Kansas is killing me

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by LastOfUs, Jun 7, 2016.

  1. LastOfUs

    LastOfUs New Member

    I'm disabled, mentally(emotionally) and physically. I have a child I had at 17. I just realized that a week ago I was in the hospital three days (I thought it was 12 hours, suicide attempt) and I didn't think about my child once. I'm a terrible person.

    We have no education in this state and poorly educated under funded mental health and I'm on state health insurance and the only mental health hospital in town is full. They made an "emergency" appointment to get my meds checked 8 days after I stopped my own heart and she was no help and I know that talking about it to my 14 year old or my boyfriend stresses them out and then I feel guilty for stressing them out but I hate that they care because I want to be done. I'm sick, I'm always sick, I've been sick since a baby, I'm tired and I want to go home.
  2. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    I am sorry to hear that you are so overwhelmed and sick. Where is "home"?

    It is hard to think of other people when we are in such a bad emotional state, but I think if you are not thinking of your child (and that you are speaking to her about your suicidal feelings) it is time to get some support from social services because having your mother want to (and try to) kill herself is not merely 'stressful' for a child - it is actively dangerous and she needs help and support to deal with that as much as you need help and support. I strongly urge you to contact social services or her school counsellor to discuss this because she most certainly needs help at this point.

    For yourself, you need to keep going back to the doctor until someone does help you. I know it is hard but if the meds are not helping then they need to be looked at. If you can't advocate for yourself, ask your boyfriend to go with you and speak to the doctors. You are not a terrible person, but clearly you can't deal with these things alone and as a parent you need to bring in someone else to help care for the emotional and mental wellbeing of your daughter if you are unable to do so. Once you have help with that, maybe it will ease some of the pressure on you as well.