Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by justacircussideshow, Feb 9, 2011.

  1. justacircussideshow

    justacircussideshow New Member

    So, i'm not sure how to start this, but i'm just so tired.
    I'm tired of lying awake wishing i could sleep, and im tired of waking up in an empty bed wishing I didn't. To think that i'm living an empty life in an empty house just makes me want to run away and never turn round but I don't think I can bear to turn my back on the memories.
    All things considered i know there are homeless people aching for a roof over their heads, people that don't deserve misery, people that ain't never had shit and then theres me, complaining about living in a nice house, with the nice tv, washin machine, compact disc, laptop. But whats the use of living like this with no one to share it with.
    My late girlfriend Katie passed away three months back, i know thats a pretty long time, but waking up every day and dreamin about it every night makes it as real as yesterday.
    I do blame myself, I was distracting her while driving and i guess the rest is self explanatory, I have the same image replaying over in my head everynight of twisting my neck to see my beautiful girl unresponsive and blood soaked. God knows I shouted, and screamed, I screamed to no end, and I will never forgive myself, i know it was my fault, and it will never be fair that all i got was cuts and bruises.
    To say I miss her would be a understatement, we'd been together for three years seven months, I was fuly convinced she was the one, all i feel is the dull ache that reminds me of her place. I still make her coffee every morning, I cant cook because she cooked for me, and i dont want to take that role. I still leave the straighteners on for her and turn them off because she always forgot to. I just need to know how to move on. I dont want to, but i need to.
  2. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    :hug: I'm so sorry for your loss.