I am 22, and my confidence has been absolutely absolutely destroyed which is why I am posting on here. A bit of background to my life, I am an undergraduate at university studying Computing Science, I entered my third year with a 2:1 average, and my confidence was high (...my lecturers had so much belief in me) but then fucked up my third year due to depression. Also for the first time in my life I was getting attention from the opposite sex. Got a bit addicted to that - although didn't have the balls to escalate. Even then, I didn't know if the girls were serious, or just stringing me along for the sake of it...as I am a bit of a geek. In the past (well in my first year), I had one girl that showed interest but I never pulled the trigger due to her having a bf, and she never keeps in touch anymore, yet at the time she was with me she was so clingy. It hurt a lot, because she said many sweet things to me, led me along quite badly e.g. inviting me back to her room alone on multiple occasions, complimenting me, telling me how she would never forget me etc... I have till this day, never really properly got over her and the way I cope with it is by not thinking about her. Anyway, I deferred my year quick enough so that if I do decide to return, I wouldn't have to pay tuition fees and that my funding would be sorted out. Ok, my confidence was ok at university, I was well liked by people, had social influence, and had a strong support base from my best friend over there. Academically things were not going well, so I deferred before it was too late. Now I am back home, I have taken the iniutive and applied to a tonne of places to work, I have got my CV checked out by guys that know what they are talking about, been personal training, looked at degree alternatives (to see if I can transfer to something that interests more), written to individuals within industry and the area of expertise I want to go into (they prefer business based IT students, as opposed to technical computing scientists) and have written to my local MP in regards to a procedure needed on my teeth and jaw (which has left me somewhat disfigured - although not seriously, it has affected my looks considerably). Job front - 1 and half months on, five interviews out of applying to 50 jobs. (all of which I have the skill set for). Retail jobs are impossible to get too, applied to places like apple etc. Local MP - has not helped me much. I recieved an appointment with the orthodontics for April (I have been waiting for four years to get this started), so frustrated. Personal training - after one month of doing it, instead of gaining weight I am losing weight, yet I guess I have become stronger. Lecturers - although keen to give me their email addresses on the day I left, they have not bothered keeping in touch. I phoned one, emailed them a couple of times/ he sounded so fed up with talking to me as I was asking for advice about my degree. Money - increasingly becoming more and more in debt, recently I received a massive bill of 346 pounds from my university for tuition fees although they said I didn't have to pay any. Currently 840 pounds into my overdraft, with my only income being job seeker allowance, which is peanuts (46.50 after every 2 weeks). Recruitment companies - I have even gone as far as phoning them and writing to them literally begging for them to get me a job within my sector, doing simple things in IT that I am qualified for -- they tell me to send them my CV, but never get back to me. Furthermore, I have had work experience within my sector too. Support network (family), it is there, for the most part. However I am overshadowed by my sibling who is successful and he treats me like shit, telling me that I am unemployable because I am not an oxbridge graduate. I hate asking my parents, siblings for money and they really do make me feel bad, by telling me to get a job etc....but no one is giving me one. I hate being dependent on people, but I have no choice, and it destroys my manhood. My successful sibling has also branded me a "loser" and "fuck up" - all those names. I try my hardest to not give them ammo to fire at me, but as I have failed I have given it to him. Social network at university - disintegrated completely.Now that I am not there, no one bothers to keep in touch, it seems as though it was all a waste of time at the expense of fucking up my third year. My looks - I feel that I am an unattractive guy due to my facial disfigurement and it shows, I don't get that much attention, I feel that my jaw and teeth has let me down big time....I am frustrated that the NHS has not started my procedure. It is three years long, yet everytime I go for a check up they find a reason to suspend it further (I have been waiting four years). This has fucked my confidence heavily, because it is likely I will be 26-27 before it gets sorted out -- old. Feel as though I have lost so much of my youth due to it. I won't lie, but I do want to attract a mate, and I feel that this has held me back. Linguistically this has affected me too, as my teeth don't touch - so with my phanetics, I can't pronounce certain words. Often my speech is very unclear and often I have to repeat myself. My own uncle once even said to me "Don't speak to loud, your voice is so ugly", others have ridiculed me at times due to it. I have written to the sumaritans, they helped a bit but they didn't heal my pain. I have contemplated suicide a lot because I just feel that I am not talented, ugly , stupid and have no worth - which is why I can't seem to get a job, single, and am depressed. I am frustrated that when I start doing something I just can't seem to complete that at a good standard. In short, I have absolutely no inner confidence within myself. Plus I feel as though I am a burden on society. I have felt that the only way to end this pain is by leaving it all; my parents will be financially better off, and those that expect highly from me will have nothing more to expect. Plus yes, I wouldn't have to constantly recieve flak, or worry about anything superficial. I just feel that there is nothing worth living for, your worth seems to be based on the way you look, or how much money you make - is that life? Don't know why I put myself through it. Anyway thanks for the read.