Keep Pushing me down.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Victori@, Aug 16, 2008.

  1. Victori@

    Victori@ Well-Known Member

    I don’t know how much information about myself I’m allowed to give out. I came on this site because I thought it might help, I thought it might help take the pain away. I was hopping that maybe somebody could give me new ideas about how to stop the pain. Instead I’m being ripped apart for sharing something that happened in my life. Something, to this day, I am still trying to understand. I am all by myself trying to help myself. I’m going to the doctor, I’m taking every fucking pill they give me, I’m talking to a therapist, I’m eating well. I’m the one that called 911 the night I took those pills. I am terrified that I will end my life, because that is not how I want to go. It hurts too many people. I care so much about everyone around me. I’m just running out of ideas here.

    I feel like throwing up right now. I feel so much negative energy. I wrote a post to people who want to end their lives. I wanted to offer help and support to those people. Instead I was surrounded by a pack of hungry wolves’ bighting at my flesh. I went to my boyfriend’s office today. Found some more cocaine in a little tin under his desk. How do you deal with somebody that is using. I am at my breaking point. I don’t know where I can go or how I can talk to anymore. I don’t want to fight, I don’t want to debate, I want’ to know how to make things better. I want to help other people that have been where I am.

    So this is going to be my last post, I am even more sad that this didn’t work out cause now I really don’t know what the hell I’m going to do. My boyfriend killed him self when we were in highshool. He hurt so many people including myself. I swore I would never hurt anybody the way he hurt me. I wouldn’t wish that kind of pain on my worst enemy. So now I’m outta ideas. This can’t be how I’m supposed to die.

    For some reson thought this site was called-----A support for people in crisis-----

    wrong again I guess

    I need a cigarette now.
  2. Ziggy

    Ziggy Antiquitie's Friend

    You know you did the right thing, and you know you did a good thing. I guess that's what's most important, you have to believe in yourself regardless of the reaction you get from others.
  3. Victori@

    Victori@ Well-Known Member

    I just don't have the energy to fight with random people on the internet.
  4. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    I agree with you. At the end of the day none of us are professionals and most of what we say come from our own experiences and own perception of things. What we say and what we believe, some others may not believe is true but that doesn't make it incorrect nor does it mean what you said is a waste of time. I personally appreciate you taking the time to post in an attempt to help people and viewing from a few of the replies to the other thread, it has been appreciated by others, also. I'm sorry you had to go through what you did regarding your boyfriend, life can be cruel at times and I hope you don't leave the forum.

    I understand you came here to help others, which is appreciated, but remember we're here for you too if you would like to take up the offer.

    Take care of yourself. :hug:
  5. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Hun like resistance said, we are here to support you too. In my books any person who comes here to try and help others deal with their pain and torment by sharing from their own experiences is an angel. You have come to a site that is filled with members that are struggling. The written word can be interpretted in so many ways by each individual reader. You see your words as hlep to others, but yet due to circumstances others may read them as pushy or misinformed. Unfortunately, each person deals with their pain in many ways and sometimes that way is to lash out at those offering their hand to help. For those people turning their pain loose on others is a method of coping with their own demons. Please dont take stock in the hurtful replies to your post but rather see the postitive ones. You appear to be a very strong soul and are trying to deal with so many things yourself. Dont give up hun. There are too many good caring people in this forum that are willing to help you as much as you want to help them. From me personally thank you for your efforts and I hope you stay at SF to see the wonderful support that is here.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 17, 2008
  6. Victori@

    Victori@ Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much itmahanh! That was the sweetest thing I have ever read in my life! You are soooooo right about the written word being interpreted in so many ways. I have to remember that most people will not understand where I am coming from, by the things I write! It get’s frustrating sometimes but that’s life! I do understand that people need to vent by posting negative replies. And if it makes them feel better than that is a good thing. Thank you so much for the boost. It really put a smile on my face tonight!
  7. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Does that mean you'll give SF another try? Glad I could make you smile hun. Personal goal of mine in life (lol).