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Keep slipping down the slope...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by confuzzle, Jul 5, 2009.

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  1. confuzzle

    confuzzle Well-Known Member

    I've only been here for a few days, but I can already tell that things are getting worse. From the outside, I guess there isn't much of a change, I'm still who I am to everyone around me.

    But I don't know, I feel really alone all of a sudden. Coming to seek support, while it does help me realize that I'm not alone, has given me a new, scary perspective on things. I'm constantly worrying about if my friend is going to come in and see this. (i don't live at my house, i don't have one, and im staying with a friend) I also feel like im splitting my friends apart with telling some of them what I'm going through and others that i keep in the dark. I just get the feeling that there are less and less people who can really understand me, and these suicidal thoughts of mine.

    A few days ago, I would be crying for no reason, or think that i should crash my car off into a guardrail. Today, these nights I think of cutting before bed, and i thought of ODing on pain pills, or blowing my head off with a firecracker in my mouth. This new reality that i find myself in is really scary, and i don't know how its gonna look up for me.

    So yeah, I'll admit, im suicidal. I don't have a plan, but i have the thought of it, nearly constantly now. Is this how its supposed to go after you admit that you need support? I thought i would at least bring some solace to my pain, but in the end it is only telling me that I'm more alone than i ever imagined before. The pain is still there, and it just won't leave.

    And the worst part is, I can't go back. I can't forget or brush it off anymore. My eyes are open and i cannot close them again.
  2. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    Reading this I realize that I went through very similar stuff when I first joined the forum so I understand just where you are coming from. However what I then found was that by getting to know people here and being able to talk to others who were in similar situations did stop that slide. Without SF I don't think I would still be here. Hopefully you will find the same. As for telling friends in the outside world that is a tough one. I've only let a few people know just how I really feel. A couple have been really supportive but a couple of others have run a mile. The whole thing is just too scary for some. It has shown me who my true friends are.
  3. mandyj101

    mandyj101 Well-Known Member

    hi and welcome 2 SF..
    admitting u need support is a big step .. it was 4 me .. like snowraven this site is helping me so so much.. i hope it will 4 u aswel..
    have u tried going 2 the doctors? it could help ..
    hope 2 see u around the forum .. x
  4. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forums.
    I do think that you could benefit from seeing a therapist, maybe go to your local doctor, tell them what you've said here and they can offer you help
    Sometimes it's too hard to make it on your own, and admitting you need help is an admirable first step
    Start the ball in motion and get some help :) It's worth it, you're worth it!
  5. nevertheanswer

    nevertheanswer Active Member

    There is always time! Don't give up.

    I'm sure there must be a reason why you feel that way. Take the time alone and reflect on it; find an answer. You could also someone to talk with because they can help you. Sharing is the first step for change.

    Please stay around and talk to us.
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