Keep thinking about death

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Hate, Jun 27, 2009.

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  1. Hate

    Hate New Member

    I'm 18 and have no qualifications and can barely add and subtract numbers.

    I haven't got a Job and most days I am scared to go outside the house; I spend allot of the time panicking that I'm wasting each day when I could be learning and aiming towards impossible goals.

    I want to learn what I didn't in primary and secondary school (I live in Britain) but that's impossible, the only courses we have are social and IT courses here that mean nothing, that do nothing, except get you into a low paid job.

    I don't want to live my life poor and ignorant. I want to learn about maths and science and get into an Engineering course at college. They won't accept me unless I have GCSEs, which are USELESS and watered down. The govournment spends money on courses for idiots that employ 'modern' methods and half -baked teaching assistants or 'educators'.

    Things are hopeless. My friend has tried to help me on various occassions but I don't want to be a plumber or a 'manager' or a mechanic. I want to go back to the beginning and get into an Academic subject. If this is impossible then I don't want to live. Even now I am worried and wringing my hands searching for ways to re-educate myself.

    I hate my life and can't even go out anymore without feeling ill and depressed. I just want it to end; If I'm not going to get what I want I see no point in living. And I don't want to waste anymore time. I can't stop thinking about dying and leaving a note just to make society realise not to forget about the lost generations of adults and teenagers who want more. School really is the be all and end all for any serious future in concrete subjects.

    I don't want to hurt the people I love, mainly my best friend Pete, who is a professional Engineer; I look up to him so much.
  2. levitated-one

    levitated-one Well-Known Member

    Hi, what is the real reason of you not completing high school, or the basic educations that would eventually lead you to a better education?

    Why are you pushing yourself to get into engineering? Do you know that it takes a lot of writing skills, knowledge, and the focus to do assignments, and researches? It's gonna be hard if you don't have the skills. Also, you need to have fairly good scores to get into professional fields such as engineering, etc.

    Other than that, there are the alternatives. Multimillionaires very often don't have the education to be who they are.. self made millionaires. Although it's rare, but there are plenty of people who are making money, getting into ventures. You don't really need a good education to make it.. just do what you love doing.

    What makes you love engineering so much? Take that away for a moment, what do you really like? Do you like helping people, running your own business, etc.. find out what you love doing then work on that.

    There are help available.. people get back to school when they're older.. it happens all the time, so what is the rush? Take it slow and easy, work part time to pay the bills, then do your home study or attend a part time study on the courses you love doing, etc..

    need any help, PM me.
  3. Hate

    Hate New Member

    But I like Engineering, I want to see how aeroplanes and submarines function and I used to like maths when I was little; one of my favourite things was using the abacus to solve addition problems and stuff, but I've been so long out of school I can't even add and subtract anymore. When ever I think about solving quizzes or answeting questions correctly it makes me happier.

    'what is the real reason of you not completing high school, or the basic educations that would eventually lead you to a better education'

    There really is nothing in britain that will enable me to do that, it's all controlled by the state and Labour govournment, and I haven't got the money for a Tutor. Things just seem hopeless.
  4. Sad Rabbit

    Sad Rabbit Account Closed

    If it is of any help, due to a bad and unhappy childhood, I left school with basically nothing. What little enthusiam I had in school was beaten out of me by my father. He left me shortly after I left school and I then had to fend for myself with absolutely nothing.

    That was many years ago. I am now a titled engineer in mechanical, electrical and electronics and a certified IT technician (I will admit my qualifications may need a little updating now). But basically, if an idiot like me can go to college and learn how to add, mulitply and do long division, then anyone can.
  5. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hiya, Hate.

    It's great that you want a better education! Engineering is a long-term goal, and getting there likely needs to be done in "steps".

    Some ideas:

    • Talk to the program head at the school/college/uni to find out exactly what credits you need for applying to the engineering program

    • Night school or part-time school/college to pick up the math/literacy credits you need

    • Adult Learning/Literacy non-profits might have free or low-cost tutors

    • Sometimes students at higher levels offer to tutor other students
    I can tell that you're excited and eager to get to the final goal - engineering. Advice from my own experience: if I need to learn lots of new things, it's usually better if I go slowly so I don't get disappointed in myself. Maybe you'd want to take one or two courses/credits at a time until you have what you need to apply to the colleges/unis for engineering.

    While you're working towards getting credits to get into an engineering program, you might it fun and useful to join some hobby groups that involve engineering skills and knowledge (e.g., model railroads, model planes that fly, go-carting, kites, science clubs). There's tons of stuff about these on the Internet.

    I think if you are determined and work away what interests you, you find a way to do what you want! All the best of luck to you. I hope you'll keep us posted!

  6. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    At this moment in time the job market is appalling even for people with qualifications. Which makes the job market that much harder for people with no qualifications. So a lot of this is down to the recession and all that. However, having no qualifications, as one of my friends has found out, does mean that you don't have a huge selection of jobs and often that you can't do what you want.
    My advice to you would be to go back to college, do a subject your interested in and do night courses or part time. This will give you the chance to get the qualifications to do what you want with your life, and, hopefully, by the time you're done with the studying the job market will be picking up.
    Also, as the above poster mentioned, by attending college you'll extend your social life, meeting new people interested in the same stuff as you, and joining more clubs, which will make you feel better too
    Hope you find your way soon :hug:
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