I'm 18 and have no qualifications and can barely add and subtract numbers. I haven't got a Job and most days I am scared to go outside the house; I spend allot of the time panicking that I'm wasting each day when I could be learning and aiming towards impossible goals. I want to learn what I didn't in primary and secondary school (I live in Britain) but that's impossible, the only courses we have are social and IT courses here that mean nothing, that do nothing, except get you into a low paid job. I don't want to live my life poor and ignorant. I want to learn about maths and science and get into an Engineering course at college. They won't accept me unless I have GCSEs, which are USELESS and watered down. The govournment spends money on courses for idiots that employ 'modern' methods and half -baked teaching assistants or 'educators'. Things are hopeless. My friend has tried to help me on various occassions but I don't want to be a plumber or a 'manager' or a mechanic. I want to go back to the beginning and get into an Academic subject. If this is impossible then I don't want to live. Even now I am worried and wringing my hands searching for ways to re-educate myself. I hate my life and can't even go out anymore without feeling ill and depressed. I just want it to end; If I'm not going to get what I want I see no point in living. And I don't want to waste anymore time. I can't stop thinking about dying and leaving a note just to make society realise not to forget about the lost generations of adults and teenagers who want more. School really is the be all and end all for any serious future in concrete subjects. I don't want to hurt the people I love, mainly my best friend Pete, who is a professional Engineer; I look up to him so much.