And I have figured it out. My Mum isn't well, she hasn't been well for a long time. She isn't dying per se, but her body is clearly shutting down and she she appears weaker and weaker all of the time due to various ailments. She's really the only person I have around that actually cares about what happens to me, and lately I've been thinking about what it would be like if she died. I guess because of remembering Alexander McQueen committing suicide after the dead of his mother also. I honestly think I'd see that as a reason to kill myself.