This is going to be very summarized. I have Asperger´s, ADD, and I know a LOT about the truth of society and this world AKA "conspiracy theories". These three things, which have each became significant (in a negative fashion) in different periods of my life have made me do/feel/display the following actions/emotions/features in a "chronic" way: -Doing too many mistakes, and being either ridiculed, "advised", attacked or rejected for this. Mundane and normally very "common sense" things can turn into problems with me. Repairing stuff, doing chores or "working with the public" always ends in constant conflicts and suffering. I am useless for most jobs, in brief. I guess many with ADD or Autism feel similar. I am not downright useless though, but why use me when others do the same without so much hassle? That´s why I should be an artist, but I am too depressed right now despite obvious talent in the field. No interest in it right now, sadly. -I also have from time to time insane impulses leading to "crazy" actions (such as using the knife of a butcher to weed out a garden, got caught and people freaked out logically) or randomnly blurting out to an ex-girlfriend that her 12 year old sister had "a fine ass" (wtf?!). - Low social confidence/skills and inability to defend myself properly in the precise moment. Got my dose of bullying as all poor autistics do. -Lack of interest in people and in mostly anything in the world. People are clonal and immoral. Dull, created by mitosis. Evil as well. Boring and evil. -Because I had severe psychosomatic hyperhidrosis because of my social phobia/anxiety (which got me bullied and prevented any kind of sexual life) I looked up at 18 a very powerful antiperspirant with 20% aluminum. Fast forward to now, it permitted me to get some sexual experiences with girls as it completely blocked my armpits but apparantly started an autoimmune cascade that has left me with unrefreshing sleep, intestines that are intolerant to practically all foods and in general a diseased body. I have even had cholinergic urticaria for years which is gone now. Unrefreshing sleep is probably the worst thing. It is torture. -THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT REASON FOR ME TO WANT TO END MY LIFE: Because of of my low self-esteem and impulsive personality I did at age 19 some absolutely hilarious penile enlargement exercises. The result? I practically have no libido (because of the physical damage but lets not forget all the inflammation and hormonal shittyness from the aluminum), my erections are much, much harder to attain and maintain and most important of it all... I HAVEN´T HAD A SINGLE ORGASM SINCE THEN. I think about it and its kind of stupid for me to stay alive when sex was so important for autistic poor me in my teens. Without it I feel closer to a psychopath and more detached from other people than ever. It was my redemption, my connection to life. I have been ill and practically castrated now 5 years. Doctors don´t help, no one wants to understand or even believe what happens to me. I am a 23 year old virgin that is so atractive that has got yelled from girls in the street. Don´t worry, when they know me better any appeal should dissappear, lol. I feel enraged and losing it, between suicidal and violent towards others.