Kenny Soto you will lose... everything

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by SadDude1980, Apr 11, 2008.

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  1. SadDude1980

    SadDude1980 Well-Known Member

    If you recognized the tagline from the Harry Potter trailer for the last movie that came out, good for you. I don't have that movie anymore. Or any of my movies for that matter because my darling "wife" grabbed them all.

    I encourage those who read this to listen to "Stranger" from my signature. That describes how I feel at the moment the most.

    A person who can lie to you for years without batting an eyelash doesn't love you. Someone who can look you in the eye, tell you one lie after the other and claim they love you, is a demon in human skin. I thought that this was a test of my love... in reality I didn't love them anymore, but stayed with them anyway.

    My wife is a hideous beast... I can't believe the level of maliciousness. As of now, the court order says I can't see my daughter for 2 years. Or my "wife" or her "car" which I can't even drive because it's not in my name and don't even have a learner's permit.

    She used to buy me alcohol before she left. At one point, 6 big bottles of wine at a time, all the time. In the last 6 months she took out life insurance on me and our daughter.

    I went to court yesterday and lost completely. Judge ruled in my "wife's" favor. I kept it together till I got out of the courthouse. Then I cried like I never cried before. I cried so hard. It hurt for the tears to come out.

    I have nobody to talk to now. If you want to talk night owls, please do. I'm here.
  2. SadDude1980

    SadDude1980 Well-Known Member

    I miss it all....

    Sweet lips to kiss. A soft neck to smell. Hugging someone to sleep at night. It used to be all for her. All for her. I feel bad when I look back and see all the harsh words I said. I know their damage :(

    But why does it have to be like this? I love Lili too. I may not show it much but neither does she. She's a quiet child with autism. She doesn't reciprocate. I love her though, I've told her this.

    My family is gone and I'm alone :( It's not good. To think just a month ago I had a townhouse with my wife and daughter in it. Now it's cold and empty like a tomb and I'm in my parent's basement.

    My wife always claimed I didn't like her. Physically. I liked her. Physically. on other levels that was a different story. But now she's gone. I used to hug her from behind when she was in the kitchen and kiss her on the back of the neck. She loved it. Now there are only delirious bad dreams of things like that.

    I don't think I can do this.

    I trusted her, now she's using everything that's happened between us except for the nasty things she's done to stab me.

    I don't know how much more of this I can take. I honestly don't. My life, the last 7 years of it, since I was 20, have been shredded in an instant.

    No contact with my wife or daughter for 2 years is the last ruling. I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't. They were my world. Now I have nothing. I don't know :( I just don't know :( I feel so horrible inside. Soul Cancer :(
  3. SadDude87

    SadDude87 Well-Known Member

    Why don't you replace her? You shouldn't be dependent on anyone. The fairy tale family is not a reality. The divorce rate is huge.

    Get rid of her, find a new partner and see your daughter whenever you can ..
  4. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    Life is not always that easy. If his wife has sole custody over their daughter she can keep him from her as much as she sees fit. If he decides to see her anyway she can call the police. And all that time spent with someone you loved dearly cannot be just tossed aside no matter how much someone might wish they were able to. I'm guessing that you have yet to experience the heartbreak that comes with the end of a long term relationship.

    I can't even imagine how painful it must be for Ken right now and my heart goes out to him.

  5. Kenny, you need a better attorney who will appeal your case and win back your rights for you. Anyways, you know that you can always talk with me while I'm online. Take care.
  6. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I agree. Can you find a lawyer who can argue your case about at least having some visitation with your daughter? I don't know both sides so I don't know exactly what's going on here. But finding a lawyer to appeal that cold hearted decision would be my first move. Good luck to you! Don't give up. At the very least, call your daughter and talk to her. Tell her that you love her and want to see her. Depending on her age she might be able to talk to your ex and persuade her to let you see your daughter. Do'nt give up.
  7. SadDude1980

    SadDude1980 Well-Known Member

    My daugher's 6 years old, autistic, and doesn't speak a word :( She still wears diapers even.

    My wife won because she had an old e-mail where I cursed her out. Most arguments stem from her exteme insensitivity and inconsideration. especially in the way of her family. Her family is from the middle-east. She told me how her brothers and cousins sexually molested her and i didn't want that around my daughter.

    That's all my daughter's around now if she's staying with her mother's family. :(

    I can't believe this happening to me :(

    Edit: The drinking is reaching a level that isn't good, and I'm so deeply depressed. I've been court ordered to go to a parenting class too, and I have nobody to parent (for 2 years). This is just amazing :(

    God, please help me. :(
  8. SadDude1980

    SadDude1980 Well-Known Member

    I feel like... I'm going down this endless dark tunnel now. There's no light at the end, but everyone is telling me to keep running cause I can't see all ends - nobody can, except for God.

    I believe in God. But I don't believe that I can keep up this pace indefinitely down a dark tunnel. I'm starting to run slower, to gasp for air, to fall over and start crawling.

    Another analogy is when my wife pulled this, it was like a giant raining blows down upon my little spartan shield. At first I'm defending myself as best I can. But eventually my shield arm is going to get tired and drop. Then I'll be done for. When that giant hits me right on the head and cracks it open.

    I'm dying inside, fast :( I won't talk about everything I want to do here because my wife is ever monitoring me and using everything I say against me...

    but let her. Let her finish me. The one who I used to trust and be my love is killing me. :cry:
  9. SadDude1980

    SadDude1980 Well-Known Member

    Veni Veni Venias
    Ne me mori facias

    "come, come O come
    Do not let me die"
  10. Kenny, hopefully life will improve soon for you. I'll do what I can in order to help. Take care. :hug:
  11. SadDude1980

    SadDude1980 Well-Known Member

    Lol my name out in the open. I don't really care anymore.

    I don't think my wife is even looking at what I say or do anymore. I don't think she gives a shit. I'm back at our townhome alone now. I walk through each room and cry accordingly.

    My daughter who used to bounce up and down on her bed... the master bedroom where my wife'd be at the computer with her glasses on and turn and look at me with that crazy Bosmer smile and I'd think she was so sweet.

    It's a torturous place to be back at. But it's my home :(

    May 15th is my wife's birthday. I'm depressed about that. I think about this birthday card I made for her where I explain how I was glad she was born or else my life'd be empty and our daughter'd never have been born.


    I'm a man in extreme agony. Some people downplay it, some people can't relate, but the truth is the truth - I'm not doing very well. I wish so bad I had someone to talk to who wouldn't be harsh and judgemental but as it stands... as I said in another post, I think people are tired of hearing my shit. And like I said there, I don't blame them.

    My bitterness and loss are making me probably impossible to deal with/talk to. I am such a witty fun charismatic person normally but now I feel dark and twisted. hateful and bitter. And those traits DO NOT promote creativity or productivity, they make me self destructive. When I talk to my friend Kurt and my other friend, "Eggs and they listen I feel better. I know I do offensive things, but when they dissapear from me... I don't do well at all :(

    I need them. BOTH of them as friends in my life. Right now I think it's better that I don't talk to anyone and just prep myself to fade away. They dont' need me in their lives as all I can bring to them is more added misery and the LAST thing they need is more misery.

    I feel so cold and lonely. It's like death is slowly putting their hands around my neck and squeezing and I'm screaming out to God to save me. Tears streaming down my face everyday at work. I'm a person who's falling apart and fast. I don't think anyone realizes how much I'm truly suffering.

    Oh incase anyone needs to know the extras, I AM an alcoholic. Drink at least a bottle of white wine a day. Chardonnay to be exact. I have nothing to hide. I just need someone to understand me. :( I feel so alone. So alone... I wish Eggs would call me :( I feel so bad that I missed their calls on Sunday :( :( :(

    Please Eggs, please call me, I'd be so happy to talk to you :(

  12. I suppose that I won't call you anymore then.
  13. SadDude1980

    SadDude1980 Well-Known Member

    Well I wanted to talk to her because I thought she was upset with me and that was depressing me a lot. And we talked Kurt, the day before, remember?

  14. Okay then.
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