kicked again

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by janvan, Jun 3, 2011.

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  1. janvan

    janvan Well-Known Member

    My GP retired from family practice in february. i made an appt at the medical practice to see another doctor i have seen previously. then i get a call back that i "would be better seeing someone else". they wont see me there any more. i had been going there 10 years and was ready to beg for help from them. now i have no doctor and noone to help me with all the other medical probs i have.
    so i saw the pdoc at the hosptial who wont give me any antidep for the moment as she has said they dont help - that the only thing that can help is therapy. i told her how suicidal i am and she said she "knew but hoped I wouldnt try again". no hospitalisation. nothing.
    i feel abandoned by everyone. and i cant stop crying still. life is just too hard. i know i am really low and dont think i can get any lower - but then something comes along and kicks me further.
    i know this sounds pathetic and people will probably say i should just get over it and pick myself up - but i cant. i have no family who care and friends who ran when i had the breakdown 18 motnhs ago. i have nothing left. i have had more than 12 attempts this year and some ere very serious. what is the point... i keep looking for something more permanent... and i dont know why i am posting....
  2. tweetypie

    tweetypie Antiquities Friend

    I am actually disgusted that you have been treat so badly of course antidepressants help! I reccomend changing doctors or something. Also if you feel you are in immediate danger go to the nearest a and e department! hugs for you im sorry you are in this position.
  3. janvan

    janvan Well-Known Member

    I am out of options.
    I have tried many anti-deps over 15 years and none have really helped. Of course, I wasnt this bad until 18 months ago - and really seriously bad for the last 4 months or so. All the other psych diag's have been made in the last year.
    And now my med conditions are pretty bad too - but no GP to help me with them. i cant start all over again with another family doctor.
    I am worried by the stigma - as soon as they see the psych diags and sui attempts, i will be branded and put in the too hard basket.
    It has got so bad that i am even trying to work out how to get a gun - and this is not a country where you can get them easily.
    What is the point of going to hospital when I will just sit in a grotty locked room with other patients, wait manyb hours, see a pdoc who will send me home anyway.
    The theory is that if you can distract from the thoughts for a while, they will subside - but they dont. i told the pdoc that yesterday.
    There are no options left that I can see. i am at the point of trying od'ing again even tho i am still sick from this week - but destroying the phone so i cant make a call to the ambos.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 3, 2011
  4. FBD

    FBD Well-Known Member

    i cant believe you have been treated like that. there must be some dr that is willing to help you. its just a matter of finding them. please give it another shot
  5. kote

    kote Account Closed

    i went through several drs. one who i seriously threatend as i was hallucinating from his mix of meds and it wasnt the best thing sending me out there when id just broke down. he was lucky to escape!!! but he put me in touch with the best dr in the county who is now 68 years old and ive been with for 6 years now. he is absolutely wonderful but its a 2hr trip to his hospital. he could retire anytime and id feel like im up shit creek!!! i wanna be cured before he goes as starting all over again is something i really dont want to go through.
    so i can really appreciate the position you are in. it will be dragging everything back up which youve been working hard to keep down.
    you may have to be forceful on this and really drill it into as many as you can - "this is the medicine i want and anything else just wont do as ive tried it!!!" surely at some point 1 dr. will listen or not give a shit and give you what you need. therapy wont help - the right pills will!!!
    dont commit just because youre experiencing a shitty time with the health service - make it anger you more and be more determined to make the next dr. listen!!!
    this is the way of the world and people in general 95% shite!!! but im sure if you keep on digging you will find someone in that 5% that either cares or doesnt care at all. whatever way you get the meds you know help and know you need to keep floating.
    take care and good luck. if you need any support at any time feel free to PM me and im happy to spend time listening to you and seeing how things are.
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am certain you have not tried all the newer meds out there go to a hospital that teaches they will have all the newer meds that are in trial period. I don't know where you are from but if you let people know the area they may be able to help send you to a good doctor one that cares. hugs Go to ER of a different hospital tell them you have lost your gp your meds need to be looked at and you need help as you are suicidal you will get help there they will be able to help you find a new doctor as well. get inpatient care if you say you are going to harm you they have to admitt you.
  7. janvan

    janvan Well-Known Member

    All the public hospitals here are teaching ones. :(
    I cant go to another public hosptial as i will just be transferred to the one near me. Basically they wont admit me - just keep me in psych emerg room for a while before sending me home. I have been there soooooo many times so I know what will happen. They dont have to admit you - they can just keep you on an involuntary order in the emergency room until they think you are ok to go home. Even when I tell them I am still suicidal they send me home anyway. 2 weeks ago, they kept me in emergency for 3 days (after icu etc) - no admittance to the ward which the psych nurses were rather upset about but couldnt do anything about.
    Private pdocs will prescribe multiple meds but the hospital pdocs dont agree with multiple psych meds. I was going to see my family doc to get a private referral again (which I cant really afford) but without a doctor I cant get that.
    I am stuck in the same place and cant get help. And am not safe - I know that. but what is the point of going to the hospital just to sit in an uncomfortable room for a night? It is like they are just waiting for me to die anyway.
    Thanks for the replies tho.
  8. Ritsu

    Ritsu Well-Known Member

    I wish I knew what I could say or do Janvan I can see how badly you need help and I know how much you're in pain I just I do not know what to say other than I hope you will find a new doc very very soon and I hope you can find someone to talk to because that is what will help the most but other then that all I can offer is my paw and my shoulder to cry on and an open minded person who will listen to you and never ever take your choice away from you.
  9. janvan

    janvan Well-Known Member

    struggling.... to not take pills .... terrified of seeing new doc tomorrow ... not sure i can get through tonight...
  10. Sailor_Saturn

    Sailor_Saturn Active Member

    I have had the same experience, however when I was 12 years old I was put on Zoloft but it never worked, and I kept telling my doctor that but he never listened and kept me on it and never prescribed anything else. The medical system, along with most of the world it seems, has gone to hell, and I'm saying that from experience.
  11. kuriheartsyou

    kuriheartsyou Member

    Have you thought of going to some sort of shelter? I don't know your gender due to lack of info on your profile but, even if it's only for a little while, a women's and children's shelter would take you in and probably hook you up with a good therapist they are associated with. Otherwise... I'm really not sure what to say to you :/ Could you maybe stay with a family member?
  12. janvan

    janvan Well-Known Member

    No family or friends - none that would care.
    I am not homeless at the moment which is good as I was for a little while.
    New med seems to be helping a little but I am still struggling big time.
    At my age, I shouldnt be sh'ing but I am doing a really good job of hurting myself. and then there is the continuous voice of death calling.
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