I need to fucking die. I can't take life anymore. Living is just so fucked up. It makes no sense it's retarded. Stupid ass short periods of pleasure followed by intense pain. Over and over. A touch of pleasure, a wave of pain. I'm in such terrible pain right now. I can't kill myself though. That's how fucking weak and pathetic I am. Can't even take control of the one thing I should have control of. No, I don't need you to reply to this or even read this. I know it's retarded. I can't help it. I need something.... I need the pain to stop. I fucking pour my heart out to people every damn day and what do I get for it? I get used and abused and backstabed. Fucked over every day. I got no hope for the future. No hope for a good life. What am I living for? Nobody will return my love. Does romantic love even exist? Or is it all bullshit? I don't know. All I know is that I keep getting fucked over and over and I don't see a point. THERE IS NO PURPOSE TO LIFE! Sure I can invent a multitude of reasons to live, but they would just be lies. Nothing but lies. Me lieing to myself over and over. Ya I'm living for my family sure. Ya they love me sure. But so what? They have to love me. I don't even know why they do. I certainly don't love myself. I don't see how anyone could love a pathetic piece of shit like me. Fuck! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! I can't take this. I seriously can't take this!!! How long does it take to die from malnourishment? I haven't eaten anything in 24 hours. How long do you think I will last before I cave? How soon will I get sick? I'll porbably cave and eat before I get sick. People tell me I'm a great person. That I have alot to offer, but then they turn around and fuck me over. WTF is that? Seriously? How can someone do that? HOW?! Tell me you love me then do the exact opposite of what love actually is! And then turn around and ask for forgiveness. And then of course I give it. And that makes me feel even more like shit. What's wrong with me? Someone please take my outa my misery. Please. There's gotta be people out there who love killing. Just come and kill me. Consider it euthanasia. Just pull the plug. Maybe I'll get lucky. A car accident, a mugging gone bad, a fire, ANYTHING. SOMETHING. I can't live. I can't live. I REFUSE TO LIVE. NOBODY FUCKING ASKED ME IF I WANTED TO COME HERE. That's the biggest bullshit of the whole thing. Who the fuck tricked me into being born into this shit hole of a reality? The last 150 years of civilization have been pure garbage, with the present by far the worst. Why couldn't I be born before the civil war? Then I could just go out west, forge my own destiny. Now I gotta deal w/ laws laws laws. Government always breathing down my neck. Cops, criminals, bureaucrats, investment bankers, assholes everywhere. I'm insane. I must be insane. There is no other explanation. How can a person be healthy? How can you go day in day out, grinding it out to no end? We're all gonna die. It's inevitable. Why can't I just take my own life? Why am I such a coward?