Thankfully you found this site and some site on which sick warped people encourage others to kill themselves!
Here you'll find the purpose of the site or forum to promote NOT killing yourself - and to help you see why this is the better choice.
Odds are you are suffering from depression which clouds your thinking and makes you less able to process the hurt that people without depression might brush off or deal with a lot easier.
As to why you are depressed to the point you want to die - everyone is different but the same tendency to have a poor self image is usually found. We get depressed, gradually feel that we are failures - and even blame ourselves for having the illness.
Some people say depression is not real. It is often underplayed by people who have not been through it and who, so far, have not had to deal with a friend or loved one who suffers. Depression is the cancer of the soul in some ways - no illness can affect you to the point whereby your actual mental process is geared towards your own self destruction.
Thankfully, there are ways of overcoming it - and at your stage - the wish to actually die or be killed, I guess you know that you need help. Sadly, quite often with depression there is a tendency to envision a particular future - one in which all the joys of life do not come your way. Depression gradually takes over the thought process and gains enough ground to persuade you that life is not worth living. If you do not get help at that stage - I feat the consequences would cost you dearly - and others also.
Whatever reason you have for wanting to die - it is one shared by others. Be it woman, friends, family, study, jobs or a myriad of other reasons - many here will relate to it - might have attempted suicide but are still here and glad their efforts failed.
Sometimes we have depression without a reason. Depression needs no reason but will gladly hitch-hike on one to gain ground.
You really ought to see your doctor - explain to him or her how you feel.
Maybe you can talk to family about it - some can, others not.
If you prefer - tell us what has bought you to this particular stage in life whereby someone, who I presume is young, wishes to die.
Whatever it is - my sympathy for your pains and I hope you get some help.
Be it medication, counselling or therapy - whatever you do you need to take the most important steps you may ever take in marching along to the local doctors and setting your cards on the table.
If you live in the UK I can advise more with regards to practical things.
Hi Tomhet, welcome to the forums. I'm glad you found this site and not one that is going to encourage you to commit suicide. Why do you want to die so badly? Do you have anyone you can talk about these thoughts and feelings to?