Killing myself if I'm positive

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Digital Angel, Jan 28, 2008.

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  1. Digital Angel

    Digital Angel Well-Known Member

    I'm getting tested for STDs tomorrow and if I show up positive for anything that's uncurable I'm killing myself. This may seem harsh but if I'm positive for something that can't be cured I can never have a sexual relationship with my girlfriend as she is totally against that. I've known her for three years and we've always liked it each and we've been dating for six months. I was a virgin and didn't plan on having sex with anyone until getting raped a year ago and now I have a small dot on my penis and this is most likely some kind of primary symptom.

    I can't sleep since there's a fair to good chance I'm going to be dead tomorrow. I don't even know why the fuck I am worrying as I have deterministic views which basically says whether I'm living or dying has already been decided and I have no real say in the matter. The coin's already been flipped, I just haven't seen it yet.

    No one here will be able to factor into my decision because if I can't have her I don't want to be alive anymore. Anyone want to keep me company for a bit?
     
  2. rojomi

    rojomi Banned Member

    I thought i had syphilis in my teens cause i had a pimple on my dick. it was nothing. STD's are ALL treatable, curable, or manageable.
     
  3. dan88

    dan88 Member

    Hi Digital Angel, I'm also new to the site, and let me tell you, I know how you are feeling, it seems there is no way you could change your mind on the subject, it seems to me you want to know that there is at least someone anywhere, who might just not judge you no matter what (at least that is how I feel).
    So If there is anything you want to say or comment, feel free to do so, I'm listening.
    But I , must at least give a try to changing your mind. You say that If you turn out positive (Which I hope not) you will kill yourself, in my opinion, There is no point in talking about you, as if you want to commit suicide, you might not be too confident. But instead think of your girlfriend, your friends and family, The amount of pain you would be giving them is unforgivable, I'm sure that they really care for you.

    Anyways, no matter your decision, Feel free to let anything out. and Good Luck!.

    -dan
     
  4. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi Digital Angel. Are you sure that you really want to kill yourself if you have contracted an STD? STD's aren't the end of the world. Most are treatable now. Do you think your girlfriend will be more upset when she finds out that you have an STD or when she finds your lifeless body? Think about the effect that your decision will have on your loved ones. There are many people on this site (mostly women) who have been raped at some point. There is a section dedicated to it. You might want to post a message there.
     
  5. Digital Angel

    Digital Angel Well-Known Member

    I e-mailed the free clinic in my city today about an appointment, I was kind of weary about calling, I'm not the most social pesron. They should e-mail me back tomorrow.

    If I have an uncurable STD my girlfriend WILL dump me and that's just something I can't live with. I don't want to lie about it to her either. I know some people might be sad and all but I'm writing a letter if I decide to do it apologizing to everyone.

    Also, the STD possibility isn't the only thing but it's something I won't be able to handle. I wrote a huge post on here earlier that I think one person wrote a short rather unhelpful response too, my life is hell, losing her will put me over the top.

    I guess I'll keep everyone updated although I doubt anyone cares. Hopefully I can get in soon and get the results back. I want to live but it's really out of my court now.
     
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