• Please read the thread in Forum News and Announcements pertaining to race related discussion on SF - thank you :)

Killing myself in a different way

#1
I find that I am killing myself by eating poorly. I do walk every day only because my friend gets me up and out yet I really don’t care about being healthy anymore. I hate myself so much that if some illness were to overtake me, I would be happy and as it is a ‘right’ way to die would make it to Heaven. Suicide is out of the question for me as I fear burning in hell. So instead I eat crappy foods and generally don’t care about health or fitness. I have fought the weight battle my whole life, was finally feeling pretty good about myself and then trauma occurred and I went right back to square one.....yet even worse this time as I was now emotionally scarred. I see my therapist this week and plan to tell her but what can she say?
 

mors321

SF Supporter
#2
I have struggled with binge eating for years. I do it because I think that I deserve to look as disgusting on the outside as I feel on the inside.

However the key is realising that you are in fact a unique person who contributes something to the world that no one else can. You should have pride in who you are and that you have friends and that you are a beautiful person and eating like shit and being unhealthy is not something that you deserve.

I know this isn’t easy and honestly I haven’t mastered it yet.

I am fighting the battle with you my friend and I am sending you every single prayer I have
 
#3
I have struggled with binge eating for years. I do it because I think that I deserve to look as disgusting on the outside as I feel on the inside.

However the key is realising that you are in fact a unique person who contributes something to the world that no one else can. You should have pride in who you are and that you have friends and that you are a beautiful person and eating like shit and being unhealthy is not something that you deserve.

I know this isn’t easy and honestly I haven’t mastered it yet.

I am fighting the battle with you my friend and I am sending you every single prayer I have
Thank you. You are very kind, it is a terrible battle isn’t it?
I was very close to winning the battle (or at least I thought so) and then trauma and a serious autoimmune illness hit me. Can’t win for trying as they say.
Prayers to you also.
 
#4
Sending warm thoughts and will light a candle for you tonight. I wish I had advice, but am fighting a seemingly impossible battle myself. To try so hard, and to improve, only to be hit with more illness and trauma, I can't imagine the despair and disappointment you feel. I hope your friend continues to be there for you, because even those walks and interactions are more life saving than you know. Hugs to you, you are in my thoughts.
 
#5
Sending warm thoughts and will light a candle for you tonight. I wish I had advice, but am fighting a seemingly impossible battle myself. To try so hard, and to improve, only to be hit with more illness and trauma, I can't imagine the despair and disappointment you feel. I hope your friend continues to be there for you, because even those walks and interactions are more life saving than you know. Hugs to you, you are in my thoughts.
Thank you. You are a kind soul. I am sorry you are in pain but it is good not to be alone, if I did not love my family so much I would not be here..
 

MosesY

Functioning Alcoholic
#6
I know the feeling. I do the same but use more effective methods. I was going to say what I use but it would probably be edited. I know they will shorten my life span. I think this is sad but I have my reasons for it. The best thing to do is find a reason to live. I don't want to live long enough to die of something like alzhiemers.
 

Thauoy

Well-Known Member
#7
I find that I am killing myself by eating poorly. I do walk every day only because my friend gets me up and out yet I really don’t care about being healthy anymore. I hate myself so much that if some illness were to overtake me, I would be happy and as it is a ‘right’ way to die would make it to Heaven. Suicide is out of the question for me as I fear burning in hell. So instead I eat crappy foods and generally don’t care about health or fitness. I have fought the weight battle my whole life, was finally feeling pretty good about myself and then trauma occurred and I went right back to square one.....yet even worse this time as I was now emotionally scarred. I see my therapist this week and plan to tell her but what can she say?
Hey @Hatingmyselfdaily . I feel the same as you do. I also feel that I would happy if some kind of illness overtake me and I die eventually. But you should take care of your nutrition. Taking unhealthy foods will cause many kind of physical ailments which will increase your suffering before death. Please try to eat healthy foods. While trying to make an early natural death by disease by taking bad foods, you may end up in some kind of suffering before death. The irony is that those people who wants to live long generally die early while those people who wants early death go on to live a much longer life.
 

mors321

SF Supporter
#9
I’ve had some good advice on this forum, but one that hit me hard was “two steps forward one step back” and honestly that just summarises how hard it can be to make progress, but how important it is to never give up
 

Kiwi2016

🦩 Now a flamingo, not a kiwi 🦩
Forum Pro
#10
@Hatingmyselfdaily my heart goes out to you...as I too struggle with finding the resolve to make and stick to healthier choices as well (for me eating healthier and quitting smoking)...my walking buddy just yesterday likened such personal choices as a slow death and it has given me much food for thought in my own choices...rationally I know it is just a matter of really internalizing that inner resolve and yet I still fail to do so... but I do still believe it is possible with the start of a new day so I give myself small goals towards that end ...e.g. don't eat the bag of chips as a snack at work but have a piece of fruit or drink water instead for example...as the adage says the journey begins with just the smallest of steps and so perhaps something similar will work for you... sending you hugs!
 
#11
@Hatingmyselfdaily my heart goes out to you...as I too struggle with finding the resolve to make and stick to healthier choices as well (for me eating healthier and quitting smoking)...my walking buddy just yesterday likened such personal choices as a slow death and it has given me much food for thought in my own choices...rationally I know it is just a matter of really internalizing that inner resolve and yet I still fail to do so... but I do still believe it is possible with the start of a new day so I give myself small goals towards that end ...e.g. don't eat the bag of chips as a snack at work but have a piece of fruit or drink water instead for example...as the adage says the journey begins with just the smallest of steps and so perhaps something similar will work for you... sending you hugs!
Thanks....I have fought this battle with food my whole life. I was at a really good place with all of it when trauma struck. I kind of don’t care anymore. I know what I am supposed to eat and drink, etc.....yet my self loathing tells me I do not deserve it.
 

Please Donate to Help Keep SF Running

Total amount
$510.00
Goal
$255.00
Top