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Killing myself tonight

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alpha_omega98

#1
20 years ago a girl stopped me from commiting suicide, now 20 years later, to the date, the same girl (who is now my wife) is driving me to kill myself. I feel so much pain in my life that I want it all to end. I don't want to go on any longer, she tells me that all I have caused was grief and hurt, so I want to die so that that wont happen anymore. According to her even if I am able to do 9 of of the 10 things that she asked, that is not enough. I have lived with no thanks for 18 years. I have lived with the pain of her failing in love with another man. I have lived with the pain that she stayed with me but does not love me.

I know that I have made mistakes in my life, but I have tried to be the person that she wanted me to be. I can no longer try anymore, I just don't have the energy.

I will be leaving two children behind, they also believe that I am the cause of all our problems and that the reason their mom is mad all the time is because of me.

I want the pain to go away. I will die today.
 
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#2
Dear alpha_omega98

My heart goes out to you, i really wish you would reconsider you decision. especially for your children. I understand you are going thru a rough time right now and yeah its difficult but theres allways to get thru it. You said that your wife is driving you to this, i really think you should leave or take a break. There's too much stress going on in your life right now with your wife and i relaly think you should take a break form that and sort your head out.

Please take care of yourself

Vikki
 
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alpha_omega98

#3
That one on the problems. I don't want a break from her I need her in my life, she is everything I have. But at the same time she is reason I feel this way. I am against a wall that I can not break.

I asked my self why I was writing here and I think I just wanted to see if that girl would come and rescue me once again, but I realize that that wont happen. There is no one that can rescue me anymore.
 

Old_Man_Kensey

Well-Known Member
#4
ok...I am really sorry for what u been through...But let me ask u: is it easier for u to kill yourself than live without ur wife?U don't need her as much as u think...When u feel a wreck u get that attitude...Cheer up!
What was the last time u spent time with ur kids?When did u take them to the playground for the last time?Do u know things about them?What is their favourite food?their favourite song?their favourite tv show?have they been in love?You need to approach your children just to realise how much u mean to them..But this is gonna take time and courage.
Besides, u can always kill urself...Wait a month...Do a little research..Talk with people whose parents killed themselves when they were kids...Can u even think what kind of trauma u can cause them?What kind of guilt?They ll never get through it...I m pretty damn sure they are already having a very rough time knowing ur marriage is not working well...
You don't need a girl to save u this time...You need the young boy u used to be...Remember the dreams u had..And think about ur damn kids...Turn the page, don' t close the book!
 
#5
I'm so sorry for what you are going through, but I have to tell you that your children will be very hurt if they lose you. I am older and recently lost my mother. I am very messed up from it. I don't think it will ever go away. I will never be the same. It has ruined my marriage, friendships, and everything else in my life. I push everyone away from me and trust nobody. Sometimes I feel so sad/low/depressed/guilty that I don't think I can go on. So try and be strong for your kids. I know that it is very hard. I have the same feelings, but I know that I have to be strong for my children. I could never put them through what I have been through. They are the only reason I am here now. Maybe you should concider talking to a therapist. I find that it does help. Go for a walk, take your kids to a movie, put a little space between you and your wife. I don't mean leave her, just go out and do something you enjoy. I really hope you reconcider. I will be thinking of you. Take care.
 
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