Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Angelo_91, Apr 7, 2008.

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  1. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    Out of curiosity, does anyone feel they would feel better by killing people?

    Nowadays, i dont get suicidal thoughts as much anymore, all i think about when i get triggered is pulling < Mod Edit Hazel: Graphic >

    My perspective on things have changed... like it feels like caring for people is overrated and it is a waste of time and most people dont understand how fucking sincere i am. I keep thinking people would like me if i changed but the reality is they never would no matter what i did, and plus how do i change myself to something im not, i really dont belong. If this all roots to something wrong with my communication skills, why isnt anyone out there reaching out to help me fix that, i cant do it alone.

    Its weird, like when i am feeling high on life, i dream about cuddling with the girl of my dreams, but when im low like right now i just want to fucking kill someone and get a little justice in this world. It feels like i cant reach my trueself unless im alone, whenever im out of my house i dont feel real, no one understands me, i just dont have that natural connection people have when they communicate publicly.

    I dont even know what im blabbering about right now; sorry i am trying to force out this emotion to this post but i cant. Anyways, I wouldnt expect less if this topic is left postless and forgotten so feel free.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 9, 2008
  2. Lost Forever

    Lost Forever Well-Known Member

    Come kill me, you'll do a favour:biggrin:
  3. Laus

    Laus Member

    I'm sorry that you feel like this. I know what you mean about not seeing the point in caring but I think it's very sad that you feel this way. Do you feel like killing anyone in particular or is this a random thought that crosses your mind from time to time? Has someone done something to upset you or are these thoughts unexpected? Are you talking metaphorically or do you really want to kill someone? I'm sure some people often feel like killing someone. What we need to figure out is whether you're actually thinking about doing it. Do you think anything or anyone has contributed to this? Has someone said or done something to upset you, for instance?

    You have to remember that, despite how miserable you feel, you are not the only person that matters. You may not see a point in your life but that does not mean that other people's lives do not hold meaning and worth. Killing someone will create a cycle of misery. It may satisfy a desire that you have but you MUST fight this. You are not a bad person; you just need help getting over these thoughts and feelings. In your mind, are you seeking revenge for how you feel or what you have been through? Do you feel jealously, anger and hate towards other people?

    Mental illness can cause people to think and behave irrationally. The fact that you have identified this and are concerned about the way you think/feel demonstrates that you can think clearly and that you are not beyond help. There could be deeper issues that you need to resolve. Talk to someone if you think this might be the case. Trauma can psychologically damage a person, thus producing insanity and the want to kill. If you act on this urge, no matter what the reason is for being clinically insane and unstable, the consequences remain the same. If you ever feel as though you will cross the line, please get in touch with someone who can stop you from doing something you will regret.

    You ought to talk to someone about this, as these thoughts could get out of hand.

    You NEED to talk to someone about this. A professional will not judge you if you try to explain the hatred that builds up inside you. Perhaps it would be a good idea for you to get some sort of rest bite until these feelings subside. You don't have to go through this alone. If you have these thoughts on a regular basis, you cannot really trust yourself.

    I don't know you but I'm sure you're not a bad person. Obviously this is getting to you and the fact that you have posted demonstrates that you would much rather not feel the way that you do. The important thing is not to act on these thoughts. With any luck, these thoughts will dwindle but, while they are there, you must try to fight it.

    I know these things seem trivial but try to eat well (healthily) and drink plenty of water. Nutrition doesn't always dictate how we feel but it can make us feel better about ourselves. Exercise, vigorously. Don't listen to music that incites hatred, avoid horror films and try not to play computer games. I'm not assuming that you do do these things; I just think they are best avoided when you are thinking in this way.

    I am sorry if I have misunderstood your post.
  4. thedudeabides

    thedudeabides Active Member

    i think i would feel a lot better if i saw someone doing something terrible to someone else and prevented it by violently stopping the abuser. but it would just be an excuse for me to act on rage. (not that i wouldn't try to intervene anyways)
  5. diseased

    diseased Active Member

    Maybe you're just assuming people don't like you when in fact they are actually quite indifferent towards you. Or perhaps certain people don't like you because you seem angry to them. Either way the fact remains that there will always be people who will like you and people who won't. You play a part in this in how you behave towards them but it often doesn't matter with some people. That's life for pretty much everyone.

    I would suggest therapy to work on your communication skills. People are actually not so bad for the most part. There are very few instances where hurting another person is justified. You might think it's not doing any harm to just THINK about it but you'd be wrong. You're hurting yourself by allowing yourself to indulge in these disturbing thought patterns.

    Try not to let your rage focus on the person but instead think about what truely caused your anger. It is seldom the person but more often something the person does. Get angry at the percieved wrongful action and the deluded thoughts within the other which gave rise to it. Usually, upon closer examination you will find that there is no reason to be upset at all.

    Do not get angry at people but rather at the true cause of your anger. In this way you can defeat these thoughts.
  6. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    i appreciate the replies, and yes i get it.

    I have been in touch with a councellor for a while but i havent had any dramatic changes in my life.

    I used to have a lot of friends and have decent aquintances but over the last 2 years(btw im 16), theres was this girl who came into my life who just made me feel at total ease whenever i was around her. I was never fond of her at first and i was very introverted but then she kept tugging on my heartstrings and after a while i was in love. i soon fell into a deep obsession because of my lack of love and i began to freak her out a bit, visiting her a lot at work, sending her texts with smiley faces in every fucking line which were all real and the usual stalker shit. Then i realized she started drifting away from me, it was a clear sign she didnt like me requitedly.

    Then a year later, i told her to never talk to me ever again out of randomness to maybe squeeze some sympathy from her but she didnt care. I told her this because i was extremely jealous of her flirting with other guys, and i felt alone and fucking shattered and she never knew the whole truth. I started becoming some emotional trainwreck freak at school, everywhere. I isolated myself, felt extremely bitter, but missed her so much...everyday and night.

    Anyways now, i feel over it, but not completely, a part of me still feels her. I dont visit her anymore, i dont have her in any of my classes, and ive lost all contact with her, but i still think about her. I know its my fault, it is, i was lurking her facebook the other day and it kills me to see her endless list of friends, reading descriptions of her nights out with her friends and it feels like i didnt even leave a scratch in the timeline of her life. it makes me so miserable and bitter and again my murderous thoughts.

    anyways wow i really drifted off there, sorry, i guess it's just me, i wish i could go back in time, stupid me. thank you again for ur replies, i know the where it all roots to, i guess im just loathing again.
  7. diseased

    diseased Active Member

    That sucks, my friend. But it happens. Rejection and unrequited love can be some of the most truely painful experiences, especially when one rarely falls in love. It just makes that person we adore seem that much more important when in reality they aren't. It's only the way we percieve them at the time. Don't take it personally that she wasn't interested in you. That was her choice and you shouldn't let it affect how you see yourself.

    Remember that the pain of this one rejection won't last forever if you can let it go. Dust yourself off and keep moving and with time your attachment to her will fade.

    Also, I know it's cliche but...there are other fish in the sea.
  8. Ire

    Ire Guest

    Sometimes I want to kill people.

    Sometimes I want to cause hurt.

    But I dont.
    Dunno why not.
  9. Placebo

    Placebo Well-Known Member

    Yes. I get very irritated with certain individuals, and often fantasize about taking them out, in a rather creative fashion. :smile:
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    :rofl: i sometimes feel that way
  11. peacegirl

    peacegirl Well-Known Member

    I'm really sorry what you have gone through, but you cannot let this one experience defeat you. It's important at this time to focus on yourself and to accept who you are so that you are not dependent on the approval of others to feel okay. If you do this, it will be easier to form solid relationships based on an equal give and take. No healthy relationship can withstand one side being more needy and that's what happens when we don't feel good about ourselves. This can become very draining for anyone, even if it doesn't start out that way. But this does not mean you cannot grow from this experience. We often find ourselves in relationships that we need to help us move forward, however painful it might feel at the moment.
  12. diseased

    diseased Active Member

    There is nothing more wretched than hurting another human being for your own pleasure. I don't understand why anyone would take joy in thinking about it. That's sick.
  13. I'll second that. I went on the Suicide Method Google Groups page and posted an advertisement for a suicide partner. A few people actually got back to me but none of them lived close enough.:mad:
  14. Broken Wings

    Broken Wings Well-Known Member

    I've had thoughts of killing people, I get the longing to bite them until they bleed, on their necks, to taste the blood, and feel them die. No, I don't think I'm a vampire or anything, I just often feel the need to bite.

    I also have wanted to stab people, and to beat them to death with my bare hands.

    But I'd never do it, and I certainly wouldn't get joy out of it. It's just a combination of intense anger and a strange afliction in my teeth. (They have an 'itch' below them, in the gums, (something to do with never having my mouth closed to the point of teeth touching each other (I have a wide tongue, it gets in the way) ) and that itch only goes away when I bite down on something, or clench my teeth hard.)

    So in the short, yeah I've felt like it, but I wouldn't ever.
  15. BlackPegasus

    BlackPegasus Well-Known Member

    In all honestly it would make you feel worse. It would probably be like a sick addiction you do it more and more to feel better but in the end it makes you feel worse and worse...sort of eats at you. It's no solution to feeling bad, that's for damn sure.
  16. nagisa

    nagisa Staff Alumni

    I feel like this sometimes and I find it very disturbing after the urge has passed. I agree with BlackPegasus that it will only make you feel worse.
  17. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    I think most people have felt like killing someone at one point in their lives, I know I have. At the same time I know anger and depression clouds judgement so I try not to listen to myself when I feel either of those things. I have a hard time seeing another person cry, friend or foe, and so even if I were to put the thought into action, I doubt I could go through with it even on the crazy chance that I ever felt the desire to.
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