I feel like im in the third person looking at myself, unable to control, stuck on autopilot. When logic meets emotion, sadly in my case emotion wins for some of the part. I can only manage to hold back the really bad stuff....and they think im bad now? I want to hurt people around me, anyone who makes me feel slightly bad. I want to tear their throats out, let them scream and squeal for dear life when a moment before they were on their high horse abusing me. I want to let them think they can get away, give them hope and take it away over and over until finally when tears cannot muster from their bloody pores I will give them what they want and what I feel they deserve. This isnt the right way to think, my logic and intelligence knows that but I feel different. Hurt runs too deep and for too long that I cannot deal with it properly. Every annoyance seems to be amplified 100 times over making it impossible to deal with all my anger. Any help im given I take as an opportunity to tear down the individuals moral and ethical grounds, leaving them a wreck. I have somehow become sadistic and cut-off from the norm, I relate to people such as the columbine shooters, taking revenge out on people who made them feel bad. The thought of those people laughing at me, putting me down, thinking they are better makes me feel sick to the stomach. They deserve to be punished, it doesn't matter how big or small the annoyance was, you either have respect for me or you don't.