Kinda urgent

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by porcelain child, Jun 28, 2010.

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  1. porcelain child

    porcelain child Well-Known Member

    I hate myself just thinking about this.. But i am thinking about trying to overdose again as i am really suicidal, but instead of overdosing on over counter medication, i am thinking about overdosing on my prescription meds- Olanzapine..

    I have been struggling lately with hallucinations and voices and i have recently been discharge from being an inpatient.. I was told by my cpn if i was suicidal i would need to go back in, so when she asked me if i was suicidal this morning or if i made any plans i said no. I don't want to go back into hospital, i really want to be dead..

    I know people say but people will miss you and stuff, and i feel a bit of a idiot cos i should take my own advice about holding on and things will get easier.. But i have been struggling since i was 13, i am now 19 and i am getting tired of it.. The meds were helping the hallucinations and voices.. But they are really bad this afternoon and i have been fighting these suicide plans for a few weeks now, but i have the pills in front of me and it would be so easy to do it..

    I hate myself for thinking this, cos my boyfriend has done nothing but help me over the last few months and doing this to him will break him and it is selfish, but i am so determind and i can't resist the urge..
     
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Oh, Claire, I am really sorry to hear you are struggling so much right now. Did they do any adjustments to your meds while you were inpatient? If not, maybe this needs to be done. You mentioned that your meds were handling the hallucinations until recently. Maybe your system has gotten used to that dosage and it needs fine tuning. I think when people get out of the hospital, things take a turn for the worse for a bit. The safety of your environment is no longer there and the 24/7 support is also lost. You go back into the "real world" and suddenly you are on your own again. I know you don't want to stay inpatient, but maybe you weren't quite ready to face the outside yet. It might be you need just a few more things in place. You know things can be better because you stated they had been and it was you that got you to that place. So I know you can get yourself back there once again. If you can remember it, you can achieve it. Your boyfriend is there for you to lean on. Let him continue to help you through everything. I am glad you came back and posted. It is another place you can get the support you need. Put the meds away in a safe place. Take that option off the table. Take care of yourself, and most importantly, stay safe. :hug:
     
  3. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    I have to agree with gentlelady, you need a better support structure to cope with things again, time in hospital might be beneficial while adjustments are made to help you have some help. Talk to your boyfriend tell him how you feel, and that you do want to fight this. Maybe then you go through what your options are, and how you can move forward to make things easier for yourself. Please please keep posting, this can and will pass. I wish you all the best.


    Rich :hug:
     
  4. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Claire I have not much to add as the others have said it all so beautifully. Please hang in there and don't give into your thoughts, they are afterall distorted thinking due to your disease so please don't act on them.

    I am here if you need to talk, please stay and talk and ride this storm out with us...beside your bf loves you and needs you.
    Bambi
     
  5. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    I just want to say, an OD on olanzapine is horrible, I have done it. I think what has been said about gettign a med increase and maybe going back into hospital is a good idea, to stay safe hun. you need to look after yourself and you even said it yourself you ahve a bf who cares for you and has stuck by you, why would you want to hurt him so?
    :hug: we are here for you
     
  6. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    Claire,

    I think you are amazing to have been under so much stress and dealing with such heavy things and still be as lucid and strong as you are. I am impressed with your spirit!!!! PLEASE try to go back to the doctors and see if they can help. You deserve to be happy and I think you can be. Think of how strong a person you are and when you get back on your feet your life will be incredible!!~~ You are a brave person and your example is inspiring! Hang on,no matter what. The negative parts of ourselves get exhausted if we don't give in. Get all the help you can and win back your birthright of joy.

    PLEASE say a prayer and ask for help. I just prayed for you. You are such a strong and good soul. Don't let the negative win. The world needs you,the people here need you,I need you. Your example gives me strength and hope!!!! Pray, reach out for help and I KNOW you will find your way to happiness! I just KNOW. Some day all you have gone through will make sense and you will understand why these things happened. When that day comes you will be a happy person and stronger and full of the joy that these events are hiding from you. All your pain will be joy one day. Your capacity to feel one extreme will bring the other. You know pain,now it't time to get ready to know joy!!!!

    PLEASE write me or PM,

    Marty
     
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