I hate myself just thinking about this.. But i am thinking about trying to overdose again as i am really suicidal, but instead of overdosing on over counter medication, i am thinking about overdosing on my prescription meds- Olanzapine.. I have been struggling lately with hallucinations and voices and i have recently been discharge from being an inpatient.. I was told by my cpn if i was suicidal i would need to go back in, so when she asked me if i was suicidal this morning or if i made any plans i said no. I don't want to go back into hospital, i really want to be dead.. I know people say but people will miss you and stuff, and i feel a bit of a idiot cos i should take my own advice about holding on and things will get easier.. But i have been struggling since i was 13, i am now 19 and i am getting tired of it.. The meds were helping the hallucinations and voices.. But they are really bad this afternoon and i have been fighting these suicide plans for a few weeks now, but i have the pills in front of me and it would be so easy to do it.. I hate myself for thinking this, cos my boyfriend has done nothing but help me over the last few months and doing this to him will break him and it is selfish, but i am so determind and i can't resist the urge..