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Ideas & Opinions Kindergarten

Legate Lanius

Will spend less time online, afk 4 a few months
#1
I wondered if someone has knowledge regarding being left in kindergarten early and the effect on mental health. I've heard from some bad sources online that it's very detrimental and akin to mock executions to be left by your mother at an early age. Tough to find any good info online, at least for me.
 
#2
I always heard it was healthy, so that the child doesn't become too clingy or dependent sorta thing by staying with the parent too long, like you should get them used to being alone and "independent" as young as possible. Not sure if I agree, I always remember how terrified I felt when my mother left me alone for the first time at a toddler group thing, I think I was 3, maybe younger. I didn't understand, I thought she wasnt coming back and I was a shy kid so other kids or the staff made no difference in comforting me. I remember one lady was like "its ok heres some milk and biscuits" and all I could think was **what are you on about its ok, why would i care about milk and biscuits when my mothers just abandoned me** I cried for ages and was begging I think. I dont remember anything else
 

Legate Lanius

Will spend less time online, afk 4 a few months
#3
I always heard it was healthy, so that the child doesn't become too clingy or dependent sorta thing by staying with the parent too long, like you should get them used to being alone and "independent" as young as possible. Not sure if I agree, I always remember how terrified I felt when my mother left me alone for the first time at a toddler group thing, I think I was 3, maybe younger. I didn't understand, I thought she wasnt coming back and I was a shy kid so other kids or the staff made no difference in comforting me. I remember one lady was like "its ok heres some milk and biscuits" and all I could think was **what are you on about its ok, why would i care about milk and biscuits when my mothers just abandoned me** I cried for ages and was begging I think. I dont remember anything else
It definitely makes sense for a child to gradually start socializing whilst under the supervision of a caretaker. I had the exact same experience when I was left at kindergarten or when mom went to work early and I was up. I was one and a half when I was first left in kindergarten.
 
#4
It definitely makes sense for a child to gradually start socializing whilst under the supervision of a caretaker. I had the exact same experience when I was left at kindergarten or when mom went to work early and I was up. I was one and a half when I was first left in kindergarten.
wow, thats young. I've always been pretty isolated, perhaps why I have social anxiety now
 

Auri

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#5
I don't have any resources regarding this, only a vague opinion.
I don't think going to kindergarten necessarily qualifies as "leaving a child". Some mental health conditions/symptoms (in adults, e.g. abandonment issues) can be linked to children feeling like they're being left by their parents, but to me that involves bad parenting (neglect, abuse and such). In the case of kindergarten, an example would be "threatening" your child that you'll leave them there and never come pick them up. If you show love to your child and care about their understanding of the situation, and if they're being treated well in kindergarten (which is another debate), I don't think it has to be a traumatizing experience. Pretty sure it also has some advantages.

Personally I believe I went to kindergarten at 3. I remember being terrified when my parents didn't come to pick me up for some unknown reason (pretty sure it happened more than once) and I was left alone until the late evening with one teacher waiting with me. That was not cool. But apart from that, I don't have really bad memories from kindergarten and I never felt like I was being left by my parents.
I don't think I've developed any abandonment issues nor social anxiety, but I don't know if any other ones can be linked to this.
 

Legate Lanius

Will spend less time online, afk 4 a few months
#6
I remember being terrified when my parents didn't come to pick me up for some unknown reason (pretty sure it happened more than once) and I was left alone until the late evening with one teacher waiting with me.
I remember that happening to me, too. #mockexecutionsquad

I don't think going to kindergarten necessarily qualifies as "leaving a child". Some mental health conditions/symptoms (in adults, e.g. abandonment issues) can be linked to children feeling like they're being left by their parents, but to me that involves bad parenting (neglect, abuse and such). In the case of kindergarten, an example would be "threatening" your child that you'll leave them there and never come pick them up. If you show love to your child and care about their understanding of the situation, and if they're being treated well in kindergarten (which is another debate), I don't think it has to be a traumatizing experience. Pretty sure it also has some advantages.
Would also depend on the child, right? Some kids might be fine never having any stable caretakers at all and some might develop five personality disorders from being left in kindergarten at age 5. Not completely unrealistic since there are almost 8 billion people out there.
I don't think going to kindergarten necessarily qualifies as "leaving a child".
To a toddler or small child, it definitely does. The kid might not know that mom is going to return at such young ages as 1 or 2.
 

Auri

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#7
Would also depend on the child, right?
For sure. That being said, the most important is good parenting, which is rare to begin with, and a good school system. I also believe in very personalized school education, so it's hard for me to make general rules like "kindergarten is good/bad". Bad kindergarten is bad. Bad parenting is bad. These I'm sure of. :D
I see too many variables for the rest...

To a toddler or small child, it definitely does. The kid might not know that mom is going to return at such young ages as 1 or 2.
Ok, I thought what you meant by young age was like kindergarten age, not babies, which is like 3 to 5? I guess it depends on the country. But gotcha.
I have no idea how to handle a 1 or 2 year old and what they're thinking, but people also leave their kids with nannies, or some other people?
I still think the "how" of parenting and kindergarten is more important and that any situation can turn out just fine if these are done well.

Not sure, just thoughts.
 

johnDoen

Well-Known Member
#8
I wondered if someone has knowledge regarding being left in kindergarten early and the effect on mental health. I've heard from some bad sources online that it's very detrimental and akin to mock executions to be left by your mother at an early age. Tough to find any good info online, at least for me.
Damn, the only thing I remember about back then is that I was fat compared to other kids. That's all I have, I think I could leave my mom to school just fine.
 

DrownedFishOnFire

Back into the wild where I belong. Out of your way
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#9
I have had deep RESENTMENT and years of self confidence issues for having to repeat kindergarten. Being older than my schoolmates. Just because of my deafness they wanted me and few of my peers to repeat it. So yes i believe in it if you said too early I got issues over being there twice.
 

DrownedFishOnFire

Back into the wild where I belong. Out of your way
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#10
On other hand more and more kids are now in daycares fulltime. Its the same thing IMO. My neice and nephew have been going to daycare since 6 months old 730am-330pm weekdays
 

Legate Lanius

Will spend less time online, afk 4 a few months
#11
On other hand more and more kids are now in daycares fulltime. Its the same thing IMO. My neice and nephew have been going to daycare since 6 months old 730am-330pm weekdays
I personally have a feeling that being left in kindergarten is a part of my inability to commit and high neuroticism. As a young child you're supposed to have a safe foundation with your mom and dad, it will get damaged if they just leave you with strangers repeatedly. I think genetics and age play a huge role, if you already have genetics for at least moderately high neuroticism if not outright high, then I think early kindergarten is a death sentence.

Sorry about the lack of hearing, btw. At least you have vision which is way more important.
 

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