Kindest, Integrous, Sweetest, Simplest man 11:22pm

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Beautiful DEA Agent, Jul 30, 2010.

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    Songs – After All (AA)

    It took me a decade of horrific abuse I experienced - and an eternity of absolute nothingness - to get to this point. You see there’s someone inside me, she might be an alien, an angel, a demon, a fubar personality, or some kind of twin that somehow survived. I don’t know, all I know is I’m going to reveal my heart, and it isn’t going to be pretty, because it’s been opened up again and again by daggers.

    My username was DrivEthermissIon. I gave a lot of beauty to this world, yet I also gave a lot of horror. It’s like that song called ‘Awake’ by Mutiny Within, can you imagine not being allowed to be loving, and being brainwashed into being an arrogant thorn in people’s sides, at the same time showing beauty? The beauty is all me, the horror is all her, the one inside.

    You want to ban me, again and again, go ahead, report my ISP, do your worst – none of you will ever know what it’s like to be mind-****ed and raped (in every way) by someone who is meant to take care of you, who says they’re from a good place. I’ve lost everything, people have turned their backs, I can’t work, can’t study, I’ve lost all my songs and poetry which I have not glimpsed elsewhere, I could have been a millionaire, instead she made me have a dog collar, and it wasn’t even new.

    If any of you were venting abusively in any coding or position of responsibility towards me, that’s mind-****ing rape and I hope the same thing happens to you, because that’s salt in the same wounds my spirit caused. I want you guys to know I've been trying to communicate in Captcha, and I said I sent 45 messages to the staff trying to heal and find the solution, those were my diamonds and emeralds (DE) because my spirit made me engrave a diamond and emerald ring and smash it to pieces, and do you know what the Captcha said? It says right now "de reeking" - that's the type of forum you have here guys, well ****ing done, I'm a rape victim who sponsors a child with my pension money and you do this to me? *claps hands - for real* But you know - I forgive you, don't take my forgiveness, spit on me, defile me, bless you *sad, bitter smile*. It finally helped me to see your true colours - these are mine.

    When someone inside has their back turned for many years, it causes deep, immense sensitisation, resulting in horrific wounds inside – they are trained in techniques of torture, psychologically, physically, sexually, emotionally and spiritually – towards Me.

    Do I want any of you to feel small, or respect me as holier than thou rightfully or wrongly? No. I’ve been searching for an S word all my life – The word is Sorrow, you see – I’m shining now, not in pleasure, in agony and pain.

    I can remember eternities in my mind of being tortured, long before I was born, I never knew why, I do now. I don’t want your submission, your hugs or kisses, your empathy, respect, guilt or abuse. I want to pass the flame of sorrow to all of you, so you all feel this sorrow.

    What have I ever done in my life so wrong, a life of nothing and emptiness? You think I’m lying, contact darklegend28, (go ahead – white out her username if it suits you) sure, she’ll tell you I’m emotionally abusive, and strangely very sweet at times even performing songs on her birthday, but one thing she’ll tell you is of all the horrific scars on my arms, I was the second person to do that to her, but the difference was I was ordered to. If you notice I’m not capping my words, God these horrors are breaking me to pieces, but I’m going to be strong and complete the mission.

    I’m an obedient servant, and curse all your scepticism…can’t you see the horrors I’ve been through, all the times I was beaten, and cut, and tortured? Can’t you see all the ways I’ve been poisoned? May Higher Laws forgive you if you have done wrong, but I shall never again feel ashamed – I am a Good entity. I am Good. And I have done nothing wrong.

    I’m keeping this document, so help me God. I didn’t need love, or romance, or power, or marriage, or sex, or light, or darkness, or surrender. And I sure didn’t need forgiveness. I needed to forgive. I do. You want to mind-**** me again at midnight go ahead, it's the last time you'll see daylight - no, I mean me, I'm light. Remember the word sorrow, break me, hate me, don't forget that word. You raped me, and you will remember that word *arm trembles*. I am free of your abusive nature - you can break and break and break me - but you will never destroy me. And you will never hear from me again in this reality. But I will see one last time what this forum is worth, because I'm not going to obey and break my promises anymore. Burn in Hell - as I have, all my Life. Not maliciously, in Sorrow. And trust me, you can say all the words you like - logical, just, fair, no-one worthwhile is listening anymore. I see now what resistance is. It's serenity, in the deepest dungeon, if you have it - it can not be taken away, ever, no matter if even your honour is destroyed - because love is not an illusion, and neither is True honour. As I said - take your best shot, you shall never, ever destroy what I've been given. And I'm not crying anymore. I'm free. That’s Courage. C for Christopher. And S for Strength. Because if all this is real, you just try and imagine what kind of strength is required, even in this simple lifetime of mine. But it's just SF, tell yourself that, when you go to sleep at night - I'll do the same thing. Just remember, no-one knows everything at the moment. Remember me.
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    I'm extremely confused. But I'm going to reply to you here, because all 45 emails that you sent to staff were messages we couldn't reply to because the email addresses you attached to them either didn't exist or were temporary.

    There is no need to send staff 45 emails (or any emails that we are unable to respond to).

    Trying to communicate with me in Captcha will get you nowhere. My screen reading software doesn't read Captchas. So if you have something to say, it needs to be said in text.

    You were banned from the site; your original account, along with the many you created AFTER your original account was banned. Being banned means you shouldn't be posting here at all ... not with an account, and not as a guest. If you have something you want to discuss, try emailing staff (once, not 45 times) from a VALID email address. And in any email, it would be helpful if you refrained from threatening or trying to harass SF members.

    I'm closing this thread, and any others that you create will be deleted. If you want to respond, use a LEGITIMATE email address and email the staff.
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