Kindle My Heart

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by luvluvradrad, Apr 12, 2007.

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  1. luvluvradrad

    luvluvradrad Member

    I have already posted a few times but here is a blurb well rather a short summery of my teenage years:

    Well to start i am a junior in/at a public high school. When I was half way through 8th grade, I switched out of public schooling and into Independent Study(IS) [It is like homeschooling except you are not taught by someone and you see a teacher once a week and they give you a packet of work to complete before your next meeting]. I switched b/c I was spending a minimum of 6 hrs. on my homework [as well as 6 hrs. in school]. I did the IS program until 10th grade when I started slacking on my work and my grades began to drop. My mother [I will write a little about my relationship with her in a moment] decided that it would be best if I retruned to public school. {I did not agree at all!} My mother and I are like most mothers and daughters--we fight a lot--[a lot is an understatement]. We have been fighting since I was able to make it known I did not want her touching me(changing my diaper). We know that we both love eachother its just, we are both stubborn and argumentitive. {not to mention i have a major case of ADHD (as declared by a doctor).} So back to "school." I returned to public school for my junior year (currently happeneing [2nd semester]). Before this year, I was never depressed or greatly unhappy. I always looked at the positie side of everything and ignored or tried to ignor the bad points of things. I began this school year with a positive outlook and a psitive hope for the future. {that went over well (said in a sarcastic tone)}. I quickly became friends with a group who were labled "EMO" b/c of their appearnace mostly, I mean, yes, some of them were emotionaly unstable but they had good reasons (mostly family problems). Slowly, I began dressing similar to them and eventualy I became less "perky/preppy" acting. I started to become aware of the bad things in life and I kept them in my mind. I began crying more. I had a "fling" with a boy in the group who then told me he was only using me for a make-out session which made me angry and depressed. I then became so angry and depressed that I made it seem like no one liked me, no one want me around, etc. So, I began thinking of ways and outcomes of killing myself. I also started writting poetry and short stories which I didn't show to anyone except my truest and best and most amazing friend [without her I am basically nothing] Laura. About a month and a half ago, my mom and I got into the biggest fight we have ever had. In the end I broke down into tears and told her everything about what has been going on with me. I also showed her my longest, most descriptive peice of writting that was based off of the relationship between me and her. She loved it and we were on good terms again and we have only had like 2-5 minute arguments since then. I have also felt less unloved and unwanted by my family and friends. I have also become aware of the love and support my friends give me. I am basically failing my ass out of school which is causing disappiontment, depression, etc, feelings from my mom. I am currently in the 2nd semester of my junior year and my mom has noticed my change in effort and williness to try harder in school. My dad is moving to Syracuse, NY at the end of May. It is clear that I will need to retake 11th grade, and I have decided, on my own, to move to Syracuse with my dad {whom I get along with great and I do not get to spend a lot of time with him since my mom and him divorced when I was 9(they do not hate eachother at all...they still grocery shop together and see movies...even if I am not there)[they divorced for money reasons...I don't really know, I wasn't paying attention when my mom explained it to me.])}. So, hopefully, moving to NY will give me a chance to pass 11th grade with a B average and hopefully create a better reputation and life for myself.
     
  2. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Welcome to the forum hun :hug:
     
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to SF. I am sorry you have found public school so difficult. For most this type of education is the best choice, but for some it definitely isn't. I hope you and your mother can come to more understandings in the future. Take care. :hug:
     
  4. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    Welcome to the forum :hug:
     
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