know i need help

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by sfw, Feb 26, 2012.

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  1. sfw

    sfw Account Closed

    I actually joined this forum a while ago... but, like so many other things in my life.... I have just been 'lurking' and feeling like the idiot I am, for being too scared to say anything.
    So here goes!
    I am female, 51, employed, married.... "I have a car, a good mother....." (like the song)
    From the outside - well adjusted, busy, helpful and always smiling..... I have a 'mask' for every occasion.
    On the inside - I wake up daily wishing I just hadn't! Most days, I spend at least a few minutes WISHING I were dead and lately have actually started fantasizing about HOW I can make that happen.... (probably not a good thing i am guessing)
    I live in a relatively isolated community of under 3500, so, resources are minimal, AND, even if I had access... sharing this anonymously is difficult enough.
    I KNOW that I need help I have effectively cut pretty much all of my friends out of my life...not in any spectacular way... just kinda stopped making an effort... and, well, I really do not have anyone close. If i look back on my life, I have been actively and systematically isolating myself for at least the last 5 years.... ahhhhhhhh frig! I dont want to talk about all the sordid little details of my life that brought me to this point....
    K... posting this.... if I read it I will delete it
  2. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    sfw, welcome .. warmly.. thanks for opening up here with us. do not regret posting your intro.. you let the mask fall and the walls came downh.. outstanding.. lots of good people on here.. lots of caring and kindness.. i have been doing this on the web for almost 12 yrs now.. has helped me a huge amount.. took some time given but got there... hope you can do the same... we will take you just the way you come.. no judging, .. we will just listenl.. tc, Jim
  3. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Thank you so much for taking a moment to introduce yourself....pleased to meet you, and I hope you enjoy your time here! :arms:
  4. Mr Stewart

    Mr Stewart Well-Known Member

    Welcome sfw. :)
  5. sfw

    sfw Account Closed

    Thanks for the welcome... and the words of encouragement!
  6. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to SF sfw. There are so many of us here with similar feelings as those you have described. We become pros at masking and those around us have no idea anything is remotely wrong. You do need to have someone you can share your issues with so you can begin to deal with them. You have found an excellent place to come for that type of support. Members can relate to how you feel and maybe share with you some of the things that have helped them to get through. The first posts are always the most difficult. As you become more comfortable and familiar with us, it will become easier. My PM box is always open to you if you would rather have a more private place to share things at first. Feel free to use it at any time. I am glad you had the courage to finally reach out and introduce yourself. :hug:
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