Know what?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by itmahanh, May 14, 2009.

  1. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I've spent about 1 1/2 years here running around the forums, threads and posts reading all about other peoples life problems. Some make me want to bash my head agaisnt the wall ("I'm gonna kill myself because my boyfriend who I love with all my heart is breaking up with me after a week long relationship yada yada yada"). Others tear my heart to pieces with the real desperation of the situations (" in a short time I will have no where to live" or "the pain of everything in my (past or present) life is just too much to carry any longer").

    And what have I done? I hand out fucking gumdrops and lollipops to try and fix lifetimes of hurt or betrayal or pain. I give out advice that reeks of sugar and spice and everything fucking nice. I feel like shit for always trying to make others believe that life can get better. To keep plugging away at all the shit life hands you. And the best part is I cant do for myself what I keep preaching to others to try.

    Well straight from the jackass's mouth...... life sucks!!!!! That's the reality of it all. Now, please get in an orderly line up to kick my sorry ass!!!!
  2. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Take it easy on yourself! There's nothing wrong with us (the older crowd) trying to help the younger ones with their issues, even if they don't seem to be that important. They are important to them.

    Personally, if I can be of help to only one other person, by relating my life experience, I think that maybe my life has some meaning. Some will say this is selfish, but I don't agree!

    My life sucked, big still does. But I've got my mother to take care of. Some have children to take care of.

    And...I've got SF. I've made some pretty good friends and contacts here.
  3. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    awe it's ok to be honest!
    I don't consider myself a hypocrite for giving people reasons to live when I want to die. Usually I tell people what I need to hear as well.
    When you speak speak from the heart and even if it's not all rainbows and sunshine that's ok. And when you're trying to help someone listen to the words that you're saying because you may need to follow them yourself :hug:
  4. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    Hypocrisy is totally cool. Cause some days are better than others. So on a bad day, I really thrive and survive on remembering that some days are better, some people have good lives. On the days that I feel good, I like helping people remember that life gets better.

    Life bounces back and forth between hell and heaven. That sucks I suppose, but then sometimes you get to hang out with friends, kiss, or get complimented by a random stranger. Those are the good times. And music! Music is awesome :)
  5. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    I echo all the above, Carla ... :hug:
  6. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Well screw it all. At the end of the day what does it matter to others how myself or other members are feeling or doing. They have their problems I have mine. You know them... the same ones I have been whining about over and over again. No matter how much I try to help others here or damn it even myself it really means nothing in the end. If I could be helped or helpful to others we wouldnt have such a high membership here. But no, I keep spreading the bs thicker and thicker. Guess atleast it softens the blow when they finally hit bottom (with my "well intented" help of course!!). Wasnt there a song long ago about me... The Great Pretenderer.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 15, 2009
  7. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    On the contrary, I think we have such high membership because we do help each other!
    I can honestly say you've helped me feel better at times Carla :hug:
  8. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    me too.
  9. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Bullshit! Cuz if I had been really successful at making you feel better you wouldnt need to be here reading this damn thread. And it aint no attempt to get others to say "ohhhh there there" either. It's my way of saying the truth about my "efforts" to help anyone here. Even myself. Cuz to be fair this isnt the me I usually am. I would never say the things I have here or in other threads today. I dont know what is happening but I do know it's out of control. So gonna go before I say or do anymore damage or something that I or admin will regret.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 15, 2009
  10. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    I come here for support, and you gave me that, and so do other people.
    People do not give me advice that is a cure all. Depression can last a long time, if not a lifetime. Don't know what I would do without this place!
    I'm sorry you're feeling so down, but I won't let you say you haven't helped me at times I needed it when you have.