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Know Your Enemy

Dark111

Scholar's Mate
SF Supporter
#1
All suffering in life is down to other either tragedy or the malevolence of other people.

There's a fat lot of good anyone can do about tragedy but we can certainly arm ourselves against malevolence.

Here are some key concepts about malevolence:

1. You're in a relationship where you're miserable but despite all your efforts to improve the situation you still believe you're at fault. But can't figure out why.

2. You're working for a company where you feel oppressed and bullied but tolerate this because that's just the corporate culture and you just need a thick skin to survive.

3. Your family just love you and want what's best for you but at the same you want to end your life.

Thoughts on malevolence?
 

Dark111

Scholar's Mate
SF Supporter
#2
It is up to us to choose the best people in our lives. It is up to would-be mothers to choose the best fathers for their children, the best partners for themselves. It is up to fathers to choose to be best fathers they can be.

Malevolence comes from the people in our lives so it is up to us to choose wisely. To recognise the signs of toxicity.
 

Sunspots

Pffffeckn amazin
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#3
It is up to us to choose the best people in our lives. It is up to would-be mothers to choose the best fathers for their children, the best partners for themselves. It is up to fathers to choose to be best fathers they can be.

Malevolence comes from the people in our lives so it is up to us to choose wisely. To recognise the signs of toxicity.
Amen to that. Although sometimes our choices appear sound at the time and the malevolence creeps in further down the line. But then I guess we need to make the choice to find a solution or walk away. I wish walking away was easier.
 

KM76710

KM stands for Kangaroo Manager
SF Supporter
#4
I do believe in malevolence, I view it as either the ones who are the non physical types with playing with a person's head or the physical harm types. The first I just ignore and move on since they are not a part of my inner circle and either can't affect me or else it is insignificant to me, the physical harm type I will just take care of things as they come up.
 

Dark111

Scholar's Mate
SF Supporter
#5
Amen to that. Although sometimes our choices appear sound at the time and the malevolence creeps in further down the line. But then I guess we need to make the choice to find a solution or walk away. I wish walking away was easier.
Yeah I think that's a part of it, SunS. I do think people can be utterly blindsided by the cruelty of others; whether due to the suddenness of the betrayal or the sheer inhumanity of it. There'll always be wolves to play convincing sheep and “a lie that is half-truth is the darkest of all lies.” Part of being human at all, and living in a society with other humans, is finding clever ways to express – and conceal – our feelings. From the most sophisticated language to the baldest lie, humans find ways to deceive. But having said that, people are in fact pretty good judges of character. Their intuitions about others are never usually baseless and they can get an accurate impression from the shortest interaction. People are good at sensing danger and threat. The slightest ill-favoured look can reliably tell a person all they need to know. Yet, so many a blind eye is turned to those early warning signs & red flags. People soothe themselves with justifications or berate themselves for misinterpreting. Concerns & uneasiness are shrugged off, lest they threaten some other...expectation?

It goes without saying that there are genuine victims of malevolence; such horrors are recorded throughout history. Malevolence is an everyday occurrence. It's part of the world. Some people touched by it never fully recover. If there is any guidance or wisdom we can impart to ourselves to keep it as far away as possible, it is well to be heeded. Many of our choices are largely shaped by how we regard & treat ourselves, which not only informs our treatment of others, but poignantly how we allow ourselves to be treated.
 

Dark111

Scholar's Mate
SF Supporter
#6
I do believe in malevolence, I view it as either the ones who are the non physical types with playing with a person's head or the physical harm types. The first I just ignore and move on since they are not a part of my inner circle and either can't affect me or else it is insignificant to me, the physical harm type I will just take care of things as they come up.
Be well, KM.
 

Human Ex Machinae

Void Where Prohibited
#10
There are exceptions of course, but I don't see others in general as being malevolent, or my enemies. I see them as stumbling, fumbling imperfect beings, just like me, who are doing the best they can. They make mistakes, like me. Sometimes they fail to please someone, or to live up to their expectations, again, just like me. If I have one implacable foe in my life, it's me. And I'm also my greatest ally.
 

Dark111

Scholar's Mate
SF Supporter
#11
There are exceptions of course, but I don't see others in general as being malevolent, or my enemies. I see them as stumbling, fumbling imperfect beings, just like me, who are doing the best they can. They make mistakes, like me. Sometimes they fail to please someone, or to live up to their expectations, again, just like me. If I have one implacable foe in my life, it's me. And I'm also my greatest ally.
Thanks for your reply, HumanEx. I admit it's been my lifelong habit to make harsh assumptions. Your perspective is gracious and affirming, and you're authentic about it. The closest I get to such inclination is Hanlon's razor : "Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity."

It's true we really know what has wounded a person and what pain they still carry. Perhaps people are just doing their best in their own imperfect but well-intended way and that's likely the most balanced & wholesome understanding a person can reach. But I'm always stuck wondering about that person who knows something to be wrong and yet cannot summon the self-control, patience, compassion, or whatever it may be to stop themselves from doing it.

I do my best. But sometimes my best is dangerous.
 

Human Ex Machinae

Void Where Prohibited
#12
"Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity."
That sums it up perfectly. There are people in the world who's imperfections are of such a magnitude that they can be thought of as being malevolent, even 'evil', with all the baggage that particular word brings, but I think they're relatively rare.
 

Dark111

Scholar's Mate
SF Supporter
#13
People change. You never really know them. They can be in your life for 20, 30, 40 years and out of nowhere blindside you. So learn to be happy on your own.

Live & love of course, but do not allow anyone or any few people to define your happiness. It's alright to give people the power to hurt you by loving and trusting them, but never give so much of yourself away that their very presence in your life defines you and you cannot live without them. That leads to you either accepting bad behaviour to keep them around or it leads to crippling depression if they leave. Own your own happiness.
 

Legate Lanius

Try not to kill yourself 2020 challenge.
#16
If they truly loved you and wanted what was best for you, would you really want to die?

They truly love what they want you to be. And what they think is best for you. But they don't even know you. They don't hear you.
I have parents that love me and I love them, yet I would press a button to end this shitty planet without blinking. This is not due to the lack of love, but the lack of insight into what bringing a human being into the world means.

If you want to express love to someone intelligently, don't give birth to them.
 

Dark111

Scholar's Mate
SF Supporter
#17
I have parents that love me and I love them, yet I would press a button to end this shitty planet without blinking. This is not due to the lack of love, but the lack of insight into what bringing a human being into the world means.

If you want to express love to someone intelligently, don't give birth to them.
Are you saying your parents lacked insight into bringing you into the world? Can you specify which particular insight they lacked?
 

Legate Lanius

Try not to kill yourself 2020 challenge.
#20
Yeah life tends to do that to all of us. Do you feel your your parents, heart and soul, sufficiently prepared you for all the pitfalls of life or what happened?
Lmao, no parents can do that. They got someone with shitty genes, too, so I think the best that they could do was to wear a fucking condom.
 

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