Know Your Enemy
- Thread starter Dark111
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It's over, now. I don't want to date now. But when I was in school I turned down a couple of girls that I had crushes on, because of general anxiety and avoidance. Later on, I changed my mind and wanted a girlfriend so I tried online dating, but I wasn't any good at it so nothing came of it.
Now, I don't want to even try because of the extremely low probability that anyone wants to date me combined with the fact that I don't feel like spending time small-talking or meeting new people. Come to think of it, I had an encounter with a woman on the street who asked my name and I shoo'd her off in a rude way. Didn't even look to see if she was attractive or not, just wanted her to fuck off for no good reason.
I think I am in the process of making myself as comfortable as possible in my death bed before kicking the bucket. That's why I've thought about determinism, the afterlife, and so on, as of late. I have felt "done with life" for four or five years now, just feels like the movie is over and I'm just picking up empty soda cans and popcorn-containers at this point.
Now, I don't want to even try because of the extremely low probability that anyone wants to date me combined with the fact that I don't feel like spending time small-talking or meeting new people. Come to think of it, I had an encounter with a woman on the street who asked my name and I shoo'd her off in a rude way. Didn't even look to see if she was attractive or not, just wanted her to fuck off for no good reason.
I think I am in the process of making myself as comfortable as possible in my death bed before kicking the bucket. That's why I've thought about determinism, the afterlife, and so on, as of late. I have felt "done with life" for four or five years now, just feels like the movie is over and I'm just picking up empty soda cans and popcorn-containers at this point.
I guess because you're so young with so much of your life ahead you, you must feel so completely disconnected from life and everything to have given up the way you have. I'm well into my 30s so I'm already more dead than alive. If I don't get hit by a runaway cherry picker I reckon I have about 5 years left in me. And I'm ok with that. The lucky few find true happiness in this life and occasionally offer us empty platitudes of pity from their own comfortable lives with their families and significant others.
I wish things were better for you. I always enjoy talking to you and you seem like a sound dude. Feel free to lock horns with me anytime
I wish things were better for you. I always enjoy talking to you and you seem like a sound dude. Feel free to lock horns with me anytime
I guess because you're so young with so much of your life ahead you, you must feel so completely disconnected from life and everything to have given up the way you have. I'm well into my 30s so I'm already more dead than alive. If I don't get hit by a runaway cherry picker I reckon I have about 5 years left in me. And I'm ok with that. The lucky few find true happiness in this life and occasionally offer us empty platitudes of pity from their own comfortable lives with their families and significant others.
I wish things were better for you. I always enjoy talking to you and you seem like a sound dude. Feel free to lock horns with me anytime
I wish things were better for you. I always enjoy talking to you and you seem like a sound dude. Feel free to lock horns with me anytime
I imagine I'm more reviled here than anything else, which is nothing new, but thanks for the compliment.
I'm quite impulsive and I do a lot of things I shouldn't. It takes it's toil physically. It's starting to already even though I might look ok. And sure, it's possible I'll be murdered. But I'm not gonna dwell on it, I still have stuff planned. I'm hoping to do some travelling once the lockdowns ease off a bit and I want to get either a Norwegian Forest cat or an Asian leopard cat. Having plans can keep you going, you know. Maybe try planning something for yourself, anything. It can be the smallest thing but those are the things that keep us going sometimes.
I'm quite impulsive and I do a lot of things I shouldn't. It takes it's toil physically. It's starting to already even though I might look ok. And sure, it's possible I'll be murdered. But I'm not gonna dwell on it, I still have stuff planned. I'm hoping to do some travelling once the lockdowns ease off a bit and I want to get either a Norwegian Forest cat or an Asian leopard cat. Having plans can keep you going, you know. Maybe try planning something for yourself, anything. It can be the smallest thing but those are the things that keep us going sometimes.
Oh, I keep going automatically as long as I have one standing family member and no impending torture coming my way. I haven't seen anyone "revile" you so far, did spot some people respond to the rage in a reasonable way. I did see you engage in the same "striking in all directions", blind rage attacks that I have sadly been drawn into; back in early November. No, before you ask, I don't have details.
I think you might be exaggerating the whole "everyone hates me, le edgy dark triad psychopath" thing. Could be wrong, maybe you grew up skinning cats and have had a few wealthy husbands end up "mysteriously disappearing". You did say you were officially diagnosed with ASPD, if I am correct, so you obviously have high dark-triad traits. But you are also obviously able to, by pure intellect at the least, empathize and help others without any guaranteed reward. That should have more of a positive impact on the minds of people than if a natural HSP-empath does it, no? Or maybe the same amount because the action was the same?
Anyhow, hope you can live the rest of your life in a way that lets you take advantage of this, I'm assuming, relatively new-found curiosity and wish to help others. Can't imagine a teen with ASPD that went around asking people about their problems and providing solutions, that's why I'm guessing you've picked that up later on in life.
I think you might be exaggerating the whole "everyone hates me, le edgy dark triad psychopath" thing. Could be wrong, maybe you grew up skinning cats and have had a few wealthy husbands end up "mysteriously disappearing". You did say you were officially diagnosed with ASPD, if I am correct, so you obviously have high dark-triad traits. But you are also obviously able to, by pure intellect at the least, empathize and help others without any guaranteed reward. That should have more of a positive impact on the minds of people than if a natural HSP-empath does it, no? Or maybe the same amount because the action was the same?
Anyhow, hope you can live the rest of your life in a way that lets you take advantage of this, I'm assuming, relatively new-found curiosity and wish to help others. Can't imagine a teen with ASPD that went around asking people about their problems and providing solutions, that's why I'm guessing you've picked that up later on in life.
I don't think I'm an edgy anything but I have done some truly awful stuff in my younger years. I didn't volunteer to go to that nut-job place where they gave that diagnosis, that was court ordered. Although I admit I talked my way into it as it was that or jail. And yeah I find cognitive empathy very useful, it can be sharply insightful and why not turn it into something pro-social? But there's a disconnect with affective empathy. That's the way the experts put it anyway. It's really a bunch of boring crap, you'll find info about it everywhere if you're interested. And you're right too, this is quite new to me. I mean the treatment I got back then was primarily behavioural because it's believed no intrinsic changes can ever be brought about with that type of disorder so it focused on the advantages of pro-social behaviour over anti-social. You still have to grow into that though over time. Most kids & very young people are self-absorbed a-holes anyway but a psycho one will deliberately do messed up stuff for shits and giggles & not care who it hurts. But as of today, no mysteriously disappearing husbands. Yet.
I do hope you never find yourself in the path of impending torture. And what does a natural HSP-empath do? Do they even exist?
I do hope you never find yourself in the path of impending torture. And what does a natural HSP-empath do? Do they even exist?
