I have severe depression and social phobia as well. I've been in this depression for so long that I don't even remember how it feels not to be depressed. I'm depressed for a lot of reasons but the one that can't be resolved is the fact that I'm gay. It makes me sick to think about a future without kids and just a lonely future. It doesn't matter how I change my life or what I do, I'll never have the life I wanted and not make anyone proud. I'll give a general example. I just visited a gay forum where someone posted his picture and you have this 60 year old talking about the shape of the dick, the balls and some seriously disgusting stuff. It's revolting. The thought that a 60 year old has to say that on the internet instead of being a grandfather and a family man... it's sad. I don't want to be like that. Then somewhere else I saw pictures of other people and it does not feel natural to me. The more I'm grossed out with them and what I read in their apperances and facial expressions, the worse it makes me feel about myself. I'm very lonely right now too. I don't have a single friend. I don't enjoy life and when the present's fucked up and the future is bound to be not what I want, why would I even want to be alive? What am I living for?