i know that i will eventually die by suicide. i can't see any other possibility. i just can't live life. i wasn't meant to, or so it seems. i'm sick and so tired of everything. i can never be happy and waking up to a new hell each and every day for hte rest of my life makes me want to not wake up at all. this is intolerable. for a long time i've known how it will end. i'm waiting until my parents pass and then i'll do it. as horrible of a "human being" i am i can't put them through that. i'll suffer until then. at least i'm able to cry tonight. it's a release for me. relieves some of the pressure. i wish i could just cry my eyes out, but it's not happening.