It's hard to explain, but I just have this feeling, this knowledge, that I am going to kill myself one day. I don't feel particularly emotional about it - it's a cold, hard fact: I am going to kill myself. That is how I am going to die. I try and imagine my future, and I know that in a few years time I'll probably be dead. I don't feel particularly suicidal at the moment, but this knowledge is always there. The only question is when and how I'm going to do it. Sometimes it scares me, because I don't know why I feel like this. I just know that I am going to kill myself. Usually when I feel suicidal I manage to distract myself, often by writing. But it's getting harder and harder to do. The more I accept that my approaching suicide is going to happen, the better I feel. I feel calm and safe, knowing that I'm going to die soon. And at the same time that calmness frightens me, because surely suicidal thoughts should not be comforting ones? I've had an unhappy childhood, and been depressed for several years, and it's only in the last few months that this 'knowledge' has started for me. But I've never spoken to anyone about these feelings, never seen a counsellor, never taken medication, and I don't want to worry my friends or family. Do I have some sort of clinical depression? I have no idea why I feel like this. Anyway, I wanted to ask if anyone else feels the same way? Does anyone else just know that your life is going to end by suicide?