Knowledge is a poison,...as I slowly lose my own saneness which will inevitably kill

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by SparkErosion, Jan 28, 2012.

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  1. SparkErosion

    SparkErosion Member

    I have aspergers.I'm not smart.they told me my iq was just above retarded.so I read every thing about everything.philosophy, science, math, chemistry, ethics, morality, knowledge, fame motive, a ton of psychology, esp.erik erikson.and when I realize the ultimate bleakness of life, most importantly all the pain and ignorance in this world....I'm not angry, I'm severly depressed.which is anger in a way......I absorb everything like sponge, and remember it all.I hate my parents,esp. My neglectful dad.so I try to get help and some professional tells me it is in my head! I struggled with severe addiction for 12 years.id rather be ignorant than dead.I feel like goethe from his trategy faust.except I'm stupid.I feel like alot of great people throughout history who couldn't handle the same.I feel like when the invent er of kodak film said...."my work is done.why wait?" Then he killed himself.except I've nothing worth living for.why should I suffer in the angst of madness and saneness? And no, jesus doesn't love me.and while I believe christianity is generally good, I'd rather go to hell then bow down to your own paradoxial prejudices and dogma. You can't pray a lie.
     
  2. crystalclear

    crystalclear Well-Known Member

    Re: Knowledge is a poison,...as I slowly lose my own saneness which will inevitably k

    Hi, umm.. Im sorry you feel that way... I just want to say that its not about a person's iq its about their willingness to learn... I kind of envy you really because like you said, you've read a lot of books.. you see, i dont think i could do that... Knowledge can be a good thing but at the same time I agree that ignorance, can be the same... if you're ignorant of things it would be impossible for you to get hurt.... im sorry i don't think im making any sense... anyway i hope you feel better soon :)
     
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Re: Knowledge is a poison,...as I slowly lose my own saneness which will inevitably k

    Hi and welcome...I wish I had a penny for each person who was wrongly diagnosed, especially in the area of intelligence since almost all tests are language based, and many people have language and/or social pragmatic problems...you do sound very intelligent, which always muddies the waters...the more one sees, the harder the journey...please keep posting and providing your views...they sound both well supported and, at times, provocative...again, an interesting balance...welcome again
     
  4. Sais

    Sais Well-Known Member

    Re: Knowledge is a poison,...as I slowly lose my own saneness which will inevitably k

    Why do you let people have such an influence on you, do you really think that just because a test shows your iq is "just above retarded", that is who you're suppose to be your whole life, like it's some ultimate truth or something?

    And if you have nothing worth living for, find something, or die trying to find it.
    that is worth living for in itself, in my opinion at least

    you should deal with the fact you're NOT stupid

    just some thoughts
     
  5. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Re: Knowledge is a poison,...as I slowly lose my own saneness which will inevitably k

    I don't think you should listen to people's opinions on your intelligence. That isn't the most important thing in life anyway. Prove that you are better than people say you are. I think that you have a lot of potential and do whatever you want in life if you try.
     
  6. SparkErosion

    SparkErosion Member

    Re: Knowledge is a poison,...as I slowly lose my own saneness which will inevitably k

    I was really in a crisis earlier.but there has to be others like me...I do have a reason to live; help others.but first I must help myself.I feel like the lunatick in mark twain bstory "war prayer".I want equality for every one.even my therapist said before she kicked me out.....theres always going to be war kevin, always has been.accept it." I refuse.call me a dreamer.I feel more hopeful now.it's hard to type on this phone
     
  7. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Re: Knowledge is a poison,...as I slowly lose my own saneness which will inevitably k

    That's good to hear. I am glad that you are carrying on and don't want to give up. :hug:
     
  8. crystalclear

    crystalclear Well-Known Member

    Re: Knowledge is a poison,...as I slowly lose my own saneness which will inevitably k

    This may be out of place...SparkErosion you sound really smart, all those deep words and book quotations... impressive :) Anyway, im glad to hear you're feeling better
     
  9. AsbestosMoth

    AsbestosMoth Member

    Re: Knowledge is a poison,...as I slowly lose my own saneness which will inevitably k

    IQ tests are bull****. They aren't even counted as a valid measurement of intelligence anymore. IQ tests only ask certain types of questions: a few types of mathematics, a few kinds of visual memory and shifting of perception, and that isn't enough to determine how smart someone is. Intelligence isn't simple, a man might be a genius at mathematics, but that doesn't mean he can write Mozart. Don't think an IQ test has any baring on your intelligence; you're obviously a well-read, intelligent person with a clear understanding of philosophy and art.
     
  10. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Re: Knowledge is a poison,...as I slowly lose my own saneness which will inevitably k

    Yeah I agree with that a lot. You can be really great at one thing and bad in another. Like I am terrible at math but that doesn't make me stupid. It just means I'll need someone to balance my checkbook for the rest of my life. lol
     
  11. Obsessive

    Obsessive Well-Known Member

    Re: Knowledge is a poison,...as I slowly lose my own saneness which will inevitably k

    I have Asperger's, too, but I'm the exact opposite. I was told I have an above average IQ, but can't even do something as basic as learning. Reading anything feels like a total chore, and when I finally finish I realize that what little I did pick up quickly fades away. I was always the slow one and still have to rely on my parents because I don't have the intelligence for simple tasks. I've actually taken three separate IQ tests with my score decreasing quite significantly successively. They pretty much just hand-waved the differences away, attributing it all to my depression worsening my score. So basically they maintain my original score as my "true" IQ, claiming that I would've stayed in the ballpark if it weren't for me randomly deciding to incorrectly answer questions I knew because I was too depressed to choose to give the correct answers... right.

    IQ testing is indeed complete nonsense. It seems to be that the only reason it even became established as a common metric of intelligence was for ostensibly scientific grounds to declare mental retardation, as otherwise diagnosis would (rightly) appear completely arbitrary. If you're truly able to understand all that then rest easy knowing that your intelligence is far more vast than that of someone with above average IQ scoring.
     
  12. Sais

    Sais Well-Known Member

    Re: Knowledge is a poison,...as I slowly lose my own saneness which will inevitably k

    Well, you know, sometimes you can help others when you can't help yourself,
    and then sometimes, it seems like the same thing. That's what I noticed on myself.

    Good luck with everything!
    :)
     
  13. SparkErosion

    SparkErosion Member

    Re: Knowledge is a poison,...as I slowly lose my own saneness which will inevitably k

    This gave me hope.....thank you all. I disagree on that though we should not be lax on following our dreams.yesterday I read all of volitaires arugment against optimism called candide which means innocent or pure.this literature seems warns on the dangers of extreme optimism or extreme pessimism.The group of friends move to a farm side Constantinople where they are horribly bored and miserable hanging out doing nothing. They visit the Dervish to ask why there's so much evil in the world. What does it matter, said the dervish, whether there's good or evil? When his highness sends a ship to Egypt, does he worry whether the mice on board are comfortable or not?"
     
  14. SparkErosion

    SparkErosion Member

    Re: Knowledge is a poison,...as I slowly lose my own saneness which will inevitably k

    Then again everyday there is a lingering doubt in life.I feel tortured everyday from and by society.I'm a stupid non conformist outcast.I can't sleep at night.every thing is about a struggle for power; capital in some sense and I don't mean just money.but I also think durkheim and max weber had a point for religion is mostly good that it bonds people together.yet sadly marx is right too.now you may under stand the pain and social ostracism I feel,..all alone.why? Because I question our most conventional belie fs most people don't do this you see.most of all fear holds me back.I'm a cosmopolitan, and beeline in compassion towards everyone,..I'm a universal morality person.this is what einstein meant.we cannot get peace unless we drastically change our way of thinking, lest we slowly drift towards catastrophe.I never went to college, I taught myself everything.could not pass any Sats , and I barely graduated high school.I was in special ed my whole life.I don't seem to forget much of what I read and seem to make patterns about alot of things.
     
  15. Sais

    Sais Well-Known Member

    Re: Knowledge is a poison,...as I slowly lose my own saneness which will inevitably k

    There still are people that accept and enjoy, or actually need non conformism. Honestly, you take people too seriously (more than half of their time they too are thinking only about themselves in social situations), I know this may sound a bit weird but have you tried enjoying your outcast position in society. It can be quite funny!
     
  16. SparkErosion

    SparkErosion Member

    Re: Knowledge is a poison,...as I slowly lose my own saneness which will inevitably k

    Recently I've come to realize everything really is for the best.this is the best of all worlds.people who say all is well are stupid, because everything is really for the best.in fact, god is perfect, god created us, so it makes sense we are perfect too.I'm itchy.god made noses, and we have glasses....god made legs, yet we have dresses to show them......
     
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