I have aspergers.I'm not smart.they told me my iq was just above retarded.so I read every thing about everything.philosophy, science, math, chemistry, ethics, morality, knowledge, fame motive, a ton of psychology, esp.erik erikson.and when I realize the ultimate bleakness of life, most importantly all the pain and ignorance in this world....I'm not angry, I'm severly depressed.which is anger in a way......I absorb everything like sponge, and remember it all.I hate my parents,esp. My neglectful dad.so I try to get help and some professional tells me it is in my head! I struggled with severe addiction for 12 years.id rather be ignorant than dead.I feel like goethe from his trategy faust.except I'm stupid.I feel like alot of great people throughout history who couldn't handle the same.I feel like when the invent er of kodak film said...."my work is done.why wait?" Then he killed himself.except I've nothing worth living for.why should I suffer in the angst of madness and saneness? And no, jesus doesn't love me.and while I believe christianity is generally good, I'd rather go to hell then bow down to your own paradoxial prejudices and dogma. You can't pray a lie.