labor day update.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by WannaEndit01, Sep 5, 2016.

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  1. WannaEndit01

    WannaEndit01 Well-Known Member

    So I am like week 7 or 8 of Prozac. I am still suicidal and depressed but at most 50% of the time. And I am not catatonic depressed. I think I could be if I let myself.

    So I am starting my new job this week. And I am meeting with the H company to go over my testing of their data with my technology. I think their VP of engineering is going to be resistant do using our stuff. But I am going to show the results of our test and go from there. My understanding is they have not updated their software in 10 years and they're losing market share.

    If I am lucky, they will bite because they need something new and improved. If they do bite, that's a whole other issue.

    I am not sure my technology can do what they want to do with. The results of our testing showed it might actually be possible. Being honest with myself I would say 50/50. What I'll tell them is "we can for sure do it". My thinking is that, this may be the last chance to find out if it can be done. And I need their money and data to find out. So it's best not to show any doubt on my end and give them reasons to say no. And, they've been around, they're not stupid they know there is a chance it will fail even if I say it won't.

    If it does fail, then they're out some money. The company makes 4 billion a year, so a few hundred thousand, or million if we were lucky, won't kill them.

    If it works, then we would get a license payment from them for the next several years ever year. And, we could leverage that success into other applications of the product.

    So I am hopeful.

    In summary, I am still depressed and suicidal. Not as much. I am really trying to dig myself out of this hole.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there, I am glad the prozac is taking effect, that is brilliant. you must feel like a different person :) I hope the job goes okay, please keep us updated and thanks for the update here.
    Last edited: Sep 5, 2016
  3. WannaEndit01

    WannaEndit01 Well-Known Member

    Don't really feel like a different person. Just there're moments when I forget I need to commit suicide as the solution.
  4. calvinandhobbs

    calvinandhobbs Well-Known Member

    You sound so good! Very proud of you. :)
  5. WannaEndit01

    WannaEndit01 Well-Known Member

    Tuesday update. Went to the office today. Started reading about a thing called Hadoop. My goal is to leverage this knowledge when/if I get laid off. It is relatively current technology used in a lot of places. Should be a marketable skill. they use it here, where I work. I am working with the engineer in charge of it and will hopefully start helping him find bugs in it soon.

    My goal, assuming the H work and BP don't get me funding, is to leverage the Hadoop knowledge to get a better job with potential. I am for sure 10% depressed throughout the day which makes it hard.

    This weekend I tried to stay very active to fight the depression. I went to the Scottish Games on Saturday. Sunday I went Wake-surfing with my brother-in-law's family. Monday I went Jet skiing with some friends out to lunch. Sounds like a lot of fun--not really when your depressed. But I think it was a better idea then staying home doing nothing. I think I acted normal, and at certain moments I was not depressed.

    That's my latest update. :)
    moxman likes this.
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