And this time, it's for good. I'm not gonna make an effort to look for a job. I thought about getting a gun. I just don't want to try anymore. I was a part timer, so I never missed a day of work. So the boss says due to budget cuts we have to lay you off. Well, at first I was disappointed and heartbroken. Then I thought that everything in life reaches it's end. I'm 43. And honestly, I'm ready to give up now. I fucking hate people more than ever. I wish I had cancer or some fatal disease to hasten the process. Instead I have annoying sinus and lung congestion that lower the quality of my life. I've had it ever since I can remember. I can't even stand being around myself I have a doctor's appointment Friday. I'll tell her about my suicidal ideation and maybe she can help me. In case you no longer hear from me. Life failed me. I didn't fail life.