Hello, so I had been feeling really low and completely helpless, lonely, scared etc etc for a few months, it got worse by the day and the house became a pig sty, i was drinking again and didnt know what the hell to do to sort the situation out. Lost all motivation and i was a total mess mentally and physically, my face was really swollen from water retention which made me give up on myself and i lost all pride in my appearance again. Anyways to cut a long story short, i reached rock bottom and i was talking about overdosing for a few days before i did it, it wasnt a 'suicide attempt' its just a bad coping mechanism i have and i take od's to escape things and then usually come out other end feeling a bit more with it so to speak. I took what i usually take, and not a massive amount as i hate taking pills at any time. After taking them my dad came home cos he knew i was onto it etc, so i lied about when i had taken the pills so that i didnt get forced to hospital and have tht revolting charcoal stuff. Also, i was hoping to keep the pills down and see what happened. As it was, i got taken by ambulance to the hospital because i wasnt willing to go, it was same old thing, 4hours and bloods etc. I was drowsy mostly, no nausea or anything, then i got my results and they moved me onto the short stay ward which is awful. I ended up leaving the hospital before any kind of treatment and i got a taxi to my mothers, i had taken the pills at 2.30pm and got to my mums at 9pm. I said hospital let me go etc and slept the night ther, i was confused as to why i was sick, i felt very sick all night, but i was determined to hold the pills down and i slept through, had crazy dreams and was awake early. The police rang after my dad had been ringing my mother, saying i needed treatment and had to go back etc, i ignored it, and slept some more. However my mum conned me into going back that morning, and i felt a right idiot and lame, like the biggest fail ever. I had more bloods taken and my results where worse, had the treatment first 16hours, then another set after that because my levels had risen more AFTER the treatment, i wasnt sick the whole time and hardly felt it, just had the headache from hell and was really drowsy and felt as if id had a load of alcohol. I ended up having 3 sets of treatment over 5 days, and i collapsed a few days into it and was on oxygen, so that was the worst part. Like i say, i felt a right idiot the whole time, saw the crisis team who where a lot more useful than usual. They are doing follow up since ive come home. I must admit, it opened my eyes, and i wouldnt do it again in a hurry, ive done it too many times and its ridiculous really. Ive started to feel a bit better, forcing myself to socialise more, reduced my bulimia (binge eating and purging) habits, stopped drinking (apart form the past few days had a few but nothing heavy). Today ive got a bit of a grim feeling, hungover and tired and feel a mess, thats just with a bit of alcohol, so now im going to stay away from any alcohol. I never ever ever want to feel as low as i did before! or be in that kind of place, it scares me a bit, because today i dont feel as with it as i have done all week. Ah :s so yes, moral of the story is a lesson learnt really! Its been a strange week i guess, i met up with someone off facebook, which was random and i dont excatly know why, but i thought id do something different and company is better than dwelling and eating and puking all day etc which i hate! This person i met is easy going and pretty easy to get on with, but im really shy and frigid in certain areas, he is a bit full on. Im not used to that kind of person, and ive only met him like twice and hes already going on about relationships etc and sex. So that makes me nervous and im not right keen on the whole idea. Anyway, totally gone off topic! Point is, i dont think its right for me, im no way into the idea of a relationship, i cant exactly be normal because of things i have going on with my eating disorder, my moods, and all my weird things, anxieties etc etc.