The last week of August I traveled back to where I lived for many years to see some people. I fell quickly into old habits and added drinking to pills. The attempt was not planned but one night I mixed a significant about of alcohol and prescription medicine that should have had some effect. I awoke the next day. I am now back down south feeling like crap and not understanding why I can't seem to kill myself. Sure some of my methods may be too weak but some seemed ok. If I could pay someone I would but my luck it would be a undercover cop. Since I dont know how to cook perhaps I could choke on my own cooking. I want to die but do I give up trying because I cant do it? I have tried therapy, medication, religion, yoga and every odd little thing they have to "cure your inner soul". Perhaps an excorcisim is next. I feel desperate and alone. I am self harming alot as that seems to be the only thing I can do right. I wish I could talk to someone.