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Last chance at happiness

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by max0718, Feb 26, 2009.

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  1. max0718

    max0718 Well-Known Member

    I have been given one last chance to complete my degree. I basically only have my final year project left, but this would be my third attempt at it. The project that I was assigned is really difficult, and while I do have a study leader, I was told that he will only help me when I really don't know the way forward. The thing is, I am beginning to slip back into depression again. EXACTLY how I didn't want to start the year! And to make it worse this time is that my mother and father are also going through depression themselves, so I can't approach them. They are watching me like a hawk, and if I'm not feeling well I can see how it affects them. I have brought all this sadness into my family. Sure they had their own problems, but it is as though I was that last nudge over the edge. That's why I can't go back to the psychiatrist, that and financial reasons as well. I simply have to make it this year! I am at least on medication again. My brother is a doctor and he is going to give me a chronic prescription for the next 6 months, and at least that will be partially covered by my medical aid.

    I guess I am just a little overwhelmed at the moment, which is quite pathetic because on the third attempt you think I would be an expert in this subject by now! Just don't know how I'm going to make it through this year!
  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    It's definitely not pathetic to be overwhelmed, it's something that happens to everyone at some point.

    If talking to your family is not something you feel you can do, could you go to student support to talk about what's happening? Maybe with a view to getting you some support to help you complete your course?

    Another option may be that now is not the right time to do a degree. Maybe stopping this degree and, if you chose to, starting a fresh at some point in the future. I can say that having left my degree on the third attempt at completing something I felt I should have been able to complete first time around (so in actual fact, some of our circumstances are very similar).

    Could you maybe go and talk to your course leader, and just be very honest about what's going on and how you feel?

    If you choose to give the project a go maybe instead of looking at the whole picture, just try and break things down into bitesize amounts. So, for example, your project must come in bits, or different areas to focus on, or things like that. Maybe just take one thing at a time, and not look any further ahead than achieving that bit. That might help it seem less overwhelming because you are setting achievable targets for yourself and focussing only on that.

    I really can relate though, and I do think it's important to get yourself some support.
  3. max0718

    max0718 Well-Known Member

    Thank you for your reply. I do feel a bit better. I still feel a bit overwhelmed. I guess I can try student counseling. Haven't really thought of that, so thank you. The thing is that I have only this year to complete my degree. The curriculum expires at the end of this year, so I really have no choice. My course leader does know of the problem. I have failed this subject two times before because of my depression, so at least he is in the loop.

    Being back on campus brings back so many bad memories of the past two years. Experiences that I do not want to relive again, so that's why I simply MUST pass this year. I just feel so frustrated that after all this time I still can't control my emotions. I never failed a subject until my final year with this project, and then I failed it 2 times. Now if I fail it again, all this hard work has been for nothing. :sad:
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