have been sheer hell. But last night I kept seeing something. I wanted the happy me, the I can help others me, the I'm sick of being suicidal me. So at some point I decided I want to have more of the old me, to try and fight these suicidal urges. But how do I? They are a part of me that I'm actually afraid to let go of. It's been so long since I haven't had them. And I am SO TIRED!! I don't think I have the fight I need. And it hurts so much to trust and lean on others. I get hurt every time. So can some one out there please tell me what I need to do? Quick before this feeling passes. I really want to try for my kids and FOR ME! Next couple of days are going to be hard enough trying to recover from what I have done to myself in the last 4 days. I don't know if I can do this. Help please. Please don't let me slip back.