ok, i'm slowly loosing the battle. i've been here on forum for a few days, reading the posts, trying to find an answer. A different answer.So i've just made an appointment for tomorrow to see a psychiatrist, but i'm very skeptic about the result. i do this not for me, but for my relatives. All my motivations are gone. I plan to follow after them, if i find the energy to do even that. just wanted to thank you all for putting some new perspective on my situation. still, i feel that the answer must come from within, and all i see inside is emptiness and fear and regrets. And a last open door.