Well, here's my situation. I have been treated for depression since I was 13 (I am now 37). I have been on just about every medication available over the years. Nothing seems to work. I have been trying therapy, but all it seems to do is bring everything to front of my mind. I have been fighting suicidal thoughts for over 20 years, and I am thinking it is time to stop fighting. My dad just recently celebrated his 63rd birthday, and I realized that I don't want to live another 30 years like this. I just recently separated from my wife, because she couldn't handle how "down" I was anymore. I have been going back and forth with how to do it, and have decided on shooting. I bought a gun last week, I have also bought plastic sheeting to spread out to help with the clean-up. I live in an apt. now, so I was initially worried about the bullet making it's way through the wall, so I bought some frangible ammo. I was typing my letters, and, obviously since I'm here posting this, have slightly wavered. I honestly don't think I will make it this time, but I felt like I needed to say all this in some fashion. I work for a law enforcement agency (not in enforcement, but as support staff) so I am worried that if I do any type of in-patient treatment it will jeopardize my job. That is why I haven't said anything to my doc. What would be the point of going on if I have to deal with that situation? Thanks for letting me get this out there.