last night ended a month cut free

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by consciousinsane, Dec 13, 2006.

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  1. consciousinsane

    consciousinsane Well-Known Member

    Another day is lost and faded with time. Another soul lost. People die every second. People are cured everyday. I’ve been suffering for twelve years. I’ve prayed to no end. I’ve been to doctors and hospitals. It seems as though there is no way to correct my morbid mind. I am doomed to suffer until I die. I can only have hope now that my life will end soon. I seem to have nothing left but my family. They love me and would miss me should something ever happen. Yet, at the same time, I feel like I am so far away from them. I am looking at them from a far off land. What is my purpose? There must be a reason that I am living in this revolting life.
    I met my limits during the previous fall of the night. I shed tears for thousands of seconds. My thoughts buckled under their own weight. Forces were present that could smash atoms. I was a walking atom bomb, and my fuse is nonexistent. I saw images of bloodshed. I saw demons trying to rip me apart. There were so many wicked figures whirling around me. They were laughing at me, taunting me. They knew it was only a matter of minutes before they would be able to steal my soul. The desire to die grew stronger and stronger. I tried beating the mischievous sprites off of me, yet I only succeeded in hurting myself. This only placed more energy on the blaze.
    Suddenly all was silent. I knew what I must do. I would grab all my pills and consume them all at once. This will fix everything. I’ll no longer be tortured. I’ll no longer suffer in so much agony. I’ll set my body free from pain. My body however had a plan of its own. Before I was able to even take a step towards my pills, I found myself sheltered in my restroom. The skies filled with rain and thick gray clouds. There was a sudden release. It was so euphoric. All pain was gone. All troubles had past. Finally, all was well once again. After a moment of soaking in the sun, I dried off my covering and put on a dressing. I was ready to face the world again. I drifted joyfully back into my home. I assembled myself for rest, but that is not what I received. Could it be? How could it come so soon? The pain is back already. It’s just as bad as before. What shall I do now? I exit the room and find myself standing in a hallway. I hear an angel in the distance. Come to me. Come to me she pleaded. I could not disgrace the voice of an angel. I collapsed into her arms. I cried until I could cry no more. The pain was still there. I still wanted to end my life. However, I felt safe. I knew I was being held under a protective wing.
    I awoke to the sound of cries. I was once again back in my home and the littlest one was ready for a feast. I take a chance and glance at the hourglass. It’s empty. No sand left. I get up and live for another day.
  2. altek001

    altek001 Well-Known Member

    ...that's when you flip the 'glass over and have another go at it.

    didn't i ask you not to..?
    (the quieting voice inside me says 'haven't others told you the same, Henry?')

    ...don't forget that nothing is ever so bad that you cannot get out.

    a quote from someone..don't know if this will help you at all:
    "when the door of happiness closes, another opens. but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us."

    we're alive while we are. and it's not that long a time. (though i will admit some days seem eternities long.) i vote that you do a goofy dance or sing really loud and purposely off-key to your favorite something silly that only you will a little selfish today..

    the goofy dance thing always does wonders for me...
    - Henry
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