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Last Night I Asked God To Do It.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Godsdrummer, Apr 15, 2009.

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  1. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    I have been suffering from a sinus/chest infection thing now for like a week. I was on the zpack and that is a 5 day antibiotic treatment. That ended last Sunday.

    Because of this illness, I have missed 3 days of work. Because of those days missed, I now have 2 more occurances. We are only allowed so many for the year. And even while I was sick, even while I was on those antibiotics, I drank.

    I was too sick to work yesterday, but I drank.

    And I as I sat in my apartment, coughing, and gagging, and drinking, and blowing my nose, and trying in vain to find a doctor that would see me, I realized how terribly alone I felt.

    I know...I live in the world of my creation. I am alone because of my screwups.

    So that is why last night, at 9pm when I laid my sick tired weary head on my pillow, I prayed as hard as I could, for God to just please, condemn me to hell.
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Sorry you're so sick. I've taken the Zpack, and maybe it's just me, but it sucked. It didn't work, and after I finished it, I was sick for another two weeks. Hopefully you have better luck!!

    We all screw up. I've made enough mistakes for both of us and then some. It's not your fault that you feel so alone.

    I've seen a lot of your posts and replies around here. You contribute so much to the site. I think there are a lot of us that are glad God didn't grant your wish last night.

    Hope you feel better soon!
  3. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    hey...i am sorry you are sick. sinus/allergies that is the worst......

    sorry you felt so low honey. try to just take care of yourself. maybe if you see a doctor he can give you a note for work - you should not be punished for true sick days - that's not fair.

    here if you need to talk - just pm me. . . .
    xxxx BIG HUGS xxxx
  4. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    I am so sick, I can actually smell the sickness. :sad:
  5. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Maybe you should go to the emergency room? I've had to do that when I couldn't get in to see my doctor.
  6. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    I did go to the ER last Wednesday. That's awfully expensive even with insurance. There is a clinic by my work that I will prolly go to after work today. I just have to find out if they take my insurance.
  7. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Good luck at the clinic. Hopefully they take your insurance and give you something that actually helps!
  8. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    hey...just checking back with you - chest and sinus. infection. i missed the 'chest' part first time i read your thread honey. sorry about that.

    let me know what happened, ok?

    sending big hugs and cleaner air for you - love, xxxx
  9. Digital Angel

    Digital Angel Well-Known Member

    God isn't real so he really can't help you or harm you in anyway.

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