Last night **trigger**

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by *dilligaf*, Feb 24, 2007.

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  1. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Ok, I made a promise to myself to stop posting about me and to concentrate on I'm sorry.

    I was out last night, I walked into a pub and could feel someone watching me..after about 5 minutes of this I turned around and standing right behind me was the girl who used to bully me from the age of about 10 til the day I left school...just looking me up and down. I pulled my friends away and sat down...Stacey (the bully) sat with her friends on the table opposite us. I went to the toilet to call my nan and Stacey was in there. It was a karaoke night and she got up to sing...I couldn't get away from her. And then this REALLY triggering song came on. I went to hide in the toilets but I could still here it. I ended up standing outside in the rain crying. It's pathetic that a song could do that to me..but it reminds me badly of the day my nan was diagnosed. And seeing Stacey again for the first time in 3 years had me feeling bad anyway. I asked my mate to come to the toilets with me while I calmed down. There was a glass in there and this little tiled shelf in one of the cubiles. I smashed the glass. I PROMISED my mate I wouldn't do anything with it. I promised her, and I let her down....and I let myself down. I couldn't help it. I was standing there with all this glass around me, crying, and I couldn't stop myself.
    I feel so stupid. All of that because of a song and someone I used to go to school with. I should've been able to deal with it. I should have been stronger.


    And, changing the subject, I have just gotten a letter from my work telling me they are no longer paying me (as of last week.) I now need to apply for Incapacity Benefit if I want any money at all. :mad:

    Ok, I'm shutting up again now.....sorry
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Sam hun, it was a bad moment not a catastrophe; shrug your shoulders and forget it (especially forget the bully, she aint worth your time).
  3. SpareTire

    SpareTire Well-Known Member

    I 2nd this, Bullies in the long run just seem to end up in worse shape, if they don't, someone is carrying her weakness', the same way they did when she first became to be a bully. Mean/weak people will not be carried forever. So chin up, smile and forget her, her's will come. She don't know nothin'.
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