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Last night..*triggering*

Discussion in 'Domestic Abuse' started by ScorchedInBlack, Jul 18, 2007.

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  1. ScorchedInBlack

    ScorchedInBlack Active Member

    Last night was the worst night of my life....
    god it was so horrible,
    the complete and total worst ever.
    :bunny:but the bunny kind of makes it better.
    So okay...my dad and my mom aren't greatest parents ever
    and I got beat up really bad by my dad monday night..
    and then he came home drunk last night
    and I was on the internet at this chat room
    talking to a peer mentor person named alice
    when he came home...
    my parents don't like me talking to people
    just in case I tell someone about what was going on...
    I have been raped a few times in the past couple of years
    the first time was in sixth grade and the last was last year..
    the tenth grade, and I have a really hard time
    dealing with it I also cut and i am rather suicidal
    I tried to kill myself Monday night as well so as I write
    this my wrists are still bandaged I am probably going to
    stop by the local crisis center and see if I can get stitched up
    since they don't ask questions and are condfidential.

    So about last night..
    my dad came home at his usual time
    and he was drunk off his ass, as usual
    and started screaming at me
    then he hit me a couple of times and
    then presumably went to bed..
    at least I thought he did

    I wait for about two hours
    my usual routine
    so I know that everyone is
    asleep and I can sleep without
    fear of anything happening to me
    but as I was walking down the hallway someone grabbed
    me from behind and starting kissing my neck
    naturally i started screaming
    and kicking and fighting but it didn't do me any good.
    he threw me up against the wall and started ripping off my
    pants and put his hand up my shirt.
    I punched him in the face and ran for my bedroom
    and grabbed the telephone
    and dialed the only person I knew that
    would come even close to helping me..
    his name is Aaron..
    we haven't really talked for about nine months
    or so but I was hoping that he would have
    some sympathy and try to help me
    after about four rings he picked up
    all I got out was "aaron oh god please"
    and then my dad grabbed me by
    my waist and threw me up against
    the wall and ripped off my shirt and then
    threw me onto the bed.
    I just screamed and screamed for someone to help me
    eventually my dad grew tired of me screaming
    so he put his hand over
    my mouth and then i bit him.
    which gave me just enough time to run into the bathroom
    which was the only room with a locking door.
    I ran in and locked the door then shut
    off the light and curled up in a corner.
    By this point I was really scared because
    I didn't know what was going to happen to me..
    in a few minutes or so Aaron actually came to my house
    I could hear him and my father arguing,
    then I heard the bathroom door unlock
    and it slowly creaked open
    my heart was in my throat at about this point
    and my mouth was dry with the metallic taste of fear
    but then the light clicked on and it was Aaron.
    He picked me up and took me to his house
    and put me up in his room since he knew I felt safe there
    and just sat on the edge of the bed and watched me cry
    everyonce in a while he would smother a piece of hair back
    from my face but other than that he was completely silent after
    a few minutes he asked me if i was okay
    all I could do was give him a small nod.
    then he said that he needed to know what happened
    just in case he needed to the cops or something.
    he sat there for a little while longer and patiently waited for me to
    after about five minutes he just sighed and flopped down
    on the bed next to me...
    then he reached up a tried to lay his hand on my face
    and I let a small unintentional squeak escape my lips
    and his whole expression changed
    I could barely hear him when he asked the next question
    "he didn't try to touch you did he, sweetheart?"
    and all I could do was let out a small squeak and nod
    then he wrapped his arms around me and let me put my head on his shoulder
    and I just laid there and cried in fact I fell asleep that way.
    I woke up in the morning and grabbed my razor and headed off to the
    shower just as I was getting ready to cut
    I heard Aaron ask from the other side of the curtain if I was thinking
    about cutting and I gave a sheepish no..
    he stuck his hand through the shower curtain and said gimme I sat my razor in his hand..and waited...
    I could hear him make a small sighing noise
    as he inspected the razor
    then he informed me that he had made me some breakfast
    of course it was my favorite pancakes with peanut butter and strawberries
    so after i took my shower i went down stairs wearing his bathrobe
    which brought inquiring looks from his mother..
    and a look of hurt on aaron's face which I couldn't figure out why
    until I noticed that the bathrobe wasn't long enough to cover up
    the scars on my thighs
    he asked if I wanted to talk about it and I said no
    and that was that
    we watched a few movies after breakfast then he brought me home
    because my dad is on a business trip for the next two weeks..
    he left me his cell phone number with a hug and a kiss
    and now here I am.
  2. pegasusmyth

    pegasusmyth Active Member

    I lived a life similar to yours ,it was my brother and mother though.I existed in silence even though there were dr. because my mom "owned" them.She convinced them that I made all things up.Please run run run and don't stop. Go to your friend.I can no longer speak for my self reach out to any real person,consistant abuse erodes your self your life.I know longer know who I am.Please tell someone.get help.you deserve better,
  3. wallflower

    wallflower Well-Known Member

    You sound like a really smart and beautiful person. I am lucky enough that I don't deal with that sort of thing. Your post made me feel a lot of compassion for what you have gone through. It's good that you were able to fight back but I can't imagine how hard this must be. I hope that you stop cutting because you deserve a better life. I also have cut at times for different reasons and the scars never went away. I'm sorry if I can't be more helpful. I think the best thing is to find a place to live away from this abuse. I feel bad because I can't relate I can only offer support if you need any.
  4. Entoloma43

    Entoloma43 Well-Known Member

    I think you're a very strong person, if things like that happened to me I would have murdered them by now, actually just reading what you've been through makes me mad. I hope things get better for you.
  5. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    You have a lot of courage and strength, to go through all that and still be here and still not to have lost your mind.

    Keep strong and keep fighting and believing. Things will turn out for the better.
  6. savetoniqht

    savetoniqht Well-Known Member

    Oh my god, i'm so sorry. =[ as everyone said though you really are such a strong person and clearly brave. I don't know what your relation or anything is to aaron, but it's good that someone knows. You should definitely keep talking to him and call him if you need him. good luck. =[ :hug:
  7. Perishable

    Perishable Well-Known Member

    Keep in touch with aaron. He seems to really persistant in helping you.
    As for your father. Get the fuck out of there. Try to get help. Secretively as possible. Ask your friend Aaron to help you out in getting out of there. Its not beneficial for you what-so-ever. I feel for you. I hope you take the advice to run. You are strong...use your strength to remove yourself from the grasp of your fathers torture....be free so you can finally be happy.
  8. riz

    riz Senior Member

    You have amazing strength. Your words are piercing. You are supposed to live a long life and share your story with others, because even behind all the pain, there is a sense of peace.

    You will survive this. Aaron is a special person but even without him, you can do it. I know you can. You deserve happiness, and when you find it, you'll know that all of this pain just made you stronger.

    Stay safe, and try to think twice about cutting. You are stronger than that.

    With love,
  9. dahry

    dahry Member

    Even though this post is old... xDD

    I have a question - were there any other people in your house at the time? Do you have any siblings or anything? And your mother (if she was home at the time) why didn't she wake up when this happened? Is she such a scorned woman that she will ignore her child when her own husband is trying to force himself on her daughter?

    Their own flesh and blood?

    Honestly, I find myself appalled at your parents when I read your post. I'm not sure who's the person I'm most disgusted at, your mother for letting this all happen or your presumable father who verbally abuses you and waits for you to walk out into the hallway and try to force his defiled being on you.

    Personally, this is a GRAVE warning sign for me, a sign that you should take mind to. For him to wait this long for you to get up sounds like he's been analyzing you for awhile now, to make sure that your schedule is ALWAYS the same. Meaning that your father seems to take a step ahead of you. I'm guessing that he's going to keep on watching you and observing every little thing you do.

    The number one thing you should do is to get out of that blasted house and search out HELP. The second best thing you can do to trip him up is to change your schedule a bit, be more cautious than you have ever been. But personally, that's just to buy some time.

    I hope that wherever you are - you'll have a chance to live free out of that git's house. :)
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