I have been in a bad state for a few months now especially bad. I have always had depression since I could remember then I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder when I was 16. Everything built up to what happened last night I drank a lot and had to spend time with some family which included a cousin of mine who had abused me when I was a child I had to sit 2 chairs away from her at a wedding and the whole time I felt like I was going to explode. So I got home then I couldn't hold it in any more. I cut obviously I know I can't state methods but I cut deeper then I ever have before my left arm looks pretty messed up but my brother came in my room last night as he knew I wasn't feeling that great and I went to the hospital got stitched up luckily when I woke up I just had to speak to a counsellor . This was my fourth attempt and it will be my last. Life sucks the past cannot be changed and the present cannot be controlled its something which I have learnt now but it still doesn't take any of the pain I feel away. It is more acceptable to me now that there is just some things in life that we have no control over . I still feel lost and I still feel alone its just odd I told myself that tonight would be my last night here and that I wouldn't have to wake up with the hole in the feeling stomach as soon as I opened my eyes any more, but I know tomorrow I will and the pain will come back to me again I hope to keep strong but only time can tell. This post might seem pointless and stupid and if is I apologise but I have no idea where to go from here and do I have many people I can talk to.