Last night was my last attempt

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by MaNg0s, Sep 20, 2010.

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  1. MaNg0s

    MaNg0s Well-Known Member

    I have been in a bad state for a few months now especially bad. I have always had depression since I could remember then I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder when I was 16.

    Everything built up to what happened last night I drank a lot and had to spend time with some family which included a cousin of mine who had abused me when I was a child I had to sit 2 chairs away from her at a wedding and the whole time I felt like I was going to explode. So I got home then I couldn't hold it in any more. I cut obviously I know I can't state methods but I cut deeper then I ever have before my left arm looks pretty messed up but my brother came in my room last night as he knew I wasn't feeling that great and I went to the hospital got stitched up luckily when I woke up I just had to speak to a counsellor .

    This was my fourth attempt and it will be my last. Life sucks the past cannot be changed and the present cannot be controlled its something which I have learnt now but it still doesn't take any of the pain I feel away. It is more acceptable to me now that there is just some things in life that we have no control over .

    I still feel lost and I still feel alone its just odd I told myself that tonight would be my last night here and that I wouldn't have to wake up with the hole in the feeling stomach as soon as I opened my eyes any more, but I know tomorrow I will and the pain will come back to me again I hope to keep strong but only time can tell. This post might seem pointless and stupid and if is I apologise but I have no idea where to go from here and do I have many people I can talk to.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    This post is not stupid at all, in fact, it is quite brave. We are much more accountable when we put someone out to the universe...we hold ourselves to a higher standard when we proclaim our actions...keep talking and know that it is critical to show compassion as you are trying to find your are very meaningful and valuable and I am so sorry you do not hold that more truly in your heart...big hugs, J
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