Last night was one of those nights. A night when I huddled in bed obsessed with thoughts of killing myself. How just one quick action, an action that would only take a second, could end it all. Could end this pointless life. The monotony. The repetition. The same old things everyday. I guess I should be grateful that this quick action is not an easy one. I guess we should all be grateful that ending one's life is such an unnatural act. If it were easy, there would be a lot fewer of us around. But I have experienced these nights before. And will experience them again. I guess I have learned how to deal with them. Just wait until morning when things are usually at least a little bit better. While there is a good chance that I will ultimately take my own life, I don't want to rush it. For there are still those brief moments when it is worthwhile to be here. Listening to the radio, and other media, explains a lot of our woe. It seems that it is geared to creating fear and stress. Just last night I heard that I must buy survival food with a shelf life of 25 years. I would need it when disaster strikes. I must buy insurance for all the appliances in my home for they would surely break. I must buy funeral insurance for to leave my family to foot the bill would be horrid. I must check the latest and best website for repair services for roof and yard and plumbing for surely I will need it. And, of course, I must spend and spend and spend on Christmas gifts for all. Such a world we live in. Disaster awaits at every turn, and only money will save us. I miss the simpler life I remember as a child. Of course, it probably was not all that simple. I just remember it that way.