Last night....

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by chelseagirl, Dec 2, 2012.

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  1. chelseagirl

    chelseagirl Member

    I can't quite believe this but I took an overdose last night. I am under the crisis team and one of them made a mistake and was talking about discharging me. It was a shock and out of the blue and it completely freaked me out. I got home and after a few hours just took them all. I won't give details but I had researched it and there was enough. I was so calm. I did look at my phone a few times and considered calling for help but didn't. After an hour I started to get drowsy and went in and out of consiousness, only waking to be very sick and diarohea too. My body wanted the pills out and that's what it did. I've woken this am and I feel ok but totally in shock. I'm sat here wondering why I did it. There were no tears or despair, just a calm desire to go to sleep and never wake up. The scary thing is I've been suicidal before but I've never gone that far. I crossed a line last night and it's a scary, lonely place to be
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I am so sorry that you got to that place, a place so many of us have gotten to before. It is worse that you got to that place because your crisis team did not see a need foe further assistance- please tell them what happened so you can keep getting the help you need. The one thing you may learn from this that even in darkness you suddenly start to consider that maybe there is more help available and to try to decide if it can help. That is not what you want - you do not want to go wondering if their was more that could be done - it is not an easy or happy way to go ever. If you ever get to that point of reaching for the bottle of pills again consider if you actually tried everything humanly possible to get better, and if you tried everything everybody else had suggested- and when the inevitable doubt creeps into your mind put down the pills and reach for the phone , a parent , a friend, anything and save yourself from the anguish and additional pain. I am glad you are here to tell your story. :hug:

    Take Care and Be Safe

  3. chelseagirl

    chelseagirl Member

    Thank you for your support. I'm sat here wondering if I should call and tell them. The worst feeling is embarassment. I cannot believe the person I've become recently and the things I've done, this very much included. I should call them though and let them know, I just don't want to press the panic button and end up being taken in or anything. It may sound odd but I feel like I'm thinking more clearly than I have in a while. Either that it's the shock!
  4. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    It is embarrassing , but I am embarrassed when I go to the hospital for any illness. Even physical illness makes us feel week. Reaching out makes us feel weak. But in all honesty it is only the hard things that takes strength to do. If it were easy then it would take no strength and and have little value. So when you reach out you are being strong and their is no good reason to feel embarrassed about showing your strength. It will still be there but do it with the knowledge it is an act of strength not weakness. I do not know if they will "take" you or hospitalize you for a few days. It will depend largely on how you feel now and what they assess your current risk to be. I would consider the idea that if you prove to them you understand how and the need to reach out that will put it in a more positive light.

  5. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Call for help if you need it....there's no reason to be embarrassed. Just stay safe ok :hug:
  6. chelseagirl

    chelseagirl Member

    It is really hard speaking on the phone, you never know who's going to answer and as you can't see their face it's hard to speak about such an issue. They need to know, now I'm thinking more clearly I can see that I need more warning when visits are going to stop and I need to tell them that. It's just finding the strength to do that. I will be discharged eventually and this is clearly a time when I'm at risk. I can see it logically now but last night was a very different picture. A rash decision that could have been so much worse
  7. Tia

    Tia Well-Known Member

    Hi Hun, how are you feeling now?
    Did you call the crisis team and tell them?
    have you been discharged?

    i also did the same thing when i found out they were discharging me. It made me feel even more alone.
    But i am SO glad you are still alive, that's a blessing.

    Keep in touch

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