Last night

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by suicidal maniac, Feb 18, 2008.

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  1. suicidal maniac

    suicidal maniac Well-Known Member

    List night I flipped again. I beat my head with my fist so hard that my head got swollen, and I know I'll do it again. It's a shame that we have this fucking internet, but we can't help the mentally ill. I have been like this for the past 3 years, and I know exactly why. Bad memories don't go away. I'm constantly contemplating suicide, I no longer enjoy the things I used to enjoy, all I do is sleep and work. Life is no longer fun, why can't I die?
    Don't tell my that it get's better, because you are a fucking liar. It does not get better. It has not gotten better for the last 3 years. 3 years of constant hell, I can't take it anymore.
     
  2. HOW

    HOW Well-Known Member

    Do you take medication or thought of taking medication?
     
  3. suicidal maniac

    suicidal maniac Well-Known Member

    Around 6 or 7 years ago I took medication, I ended up trying to commit suicide by taking to much medication. Luckily I threw up right after.
    I know that medication might help, but I just don't know why I have to be the one taking medication. Plus I don't realy belive in medication anyways.
     
  4. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    For starters, beating your head with your fist is a bad idea. Maybe try beating a wall or something else next time? Things can only get better if you truly believe that they can get better.
     
  5. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    I wont tell you that is gets better, I can just say it might be. In my case, it hasnt got better for the last 8 years. Every next day is worse than the last one. Im smiling, but im not happy, im breathing, but im not alive...
    But... Whats the cause of your hell?... If you can tell...
     
  6. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    Completely agree. I feel exactly the same. Im not here to tell you do this do that. I just wanna talk and share thoughts. I dont think that i can make you do something that you dont want to, as I know you cant make me do what i dont want to do.
     
  7. suicidal maniac

    suicidal maniac Well-Known Member

    I think the cause of my hell right now is that I'm living at home. I know that it doesn't get easier when you move out, I lived on my own for a while, but I think it's still easier, at least you feel like you are accomplishing something. That's what I'm going to do, I'm looking for an apartment right now. I"m 30 I should not be living at home anymore.
     
  8. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am glad you are looking for an apartment so you don't have to stay at home if this is what is truly causing you this anguish right now. We all suffer from setbacks once in awhile and need a boost. It's okay to stay with your family until you can get back on your feet. No one can say it will get better, but it may. Change occurs all the time. It can take a very long time. I wish you luck. :hug:
     
  9. suicidal maniac

    suicidal maniac Well-Known Member

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