Last strand of hope... Snapped...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by AerieFlew, Apr 18, 2011.

  1. AerieFlew

    AerieFlew Member

    I don't know if this is the right part of the forum to post in... I don't know, I'm sorry if it is...

    Two days ago was the two year anniversary of my mothers death...
    Well something positive happened...
    My fiancé's cat had kittens. The thing is that his cats never seemed like mine, but the night before I had a dream about a kitten and it looked exactly like the first born which was grey with black stripes...
    Well. I got really excited. It was my kitty, our first pet together, it was OUR baby... This, everyone, was the first thing in months that made me truely happy and excited and hopeful... I went out today and bought him a collar and tag, I named him Camilot yesterday, and tonight I was crocheting him a baby blanket... I mean he was going to be my baby right? I had to be a good mommy... On the back of the tag, it said, Love Mommy...
    As I'm crocheting my fiancé IMed me and said, we need to talk...
    That is always a terrifying line...
    He kept beating around the bush...
    Then... "Camilot..."
    then... "he passed..."
    I lost it... I haven't stopped crying yet and I'm just...
    I'm so lost now. I have no more hope, I do not want to hope anymore, nothing comes out right!

    My goal in life has always been to be the perfect mommy. My biggest fear, is of being the worst. For my child to die. To miscarriage.
    I know it sounds pathetic... But it feels like I got my first taste of my child dying tonight and my heart I'd broken... I just don't know what else to say...
    I'm sorry...
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Im sorry you lost your kitten camelot hugs to you
     
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I understand the feelings one can have for a pet and I am so sorry that C passed...J
     
  4. voa

    voa Member

    I'm sorry about your cat, but you can consider this a test for a real child. If you're gonna break down after a pet death, how are you going to be a mom. Being a mother is absolutely stressful, and your child needs you to be as strong as possible. Imagine if you were blessed with twins. If one dies are you going to give up and forget about the other child? Most cases that child is hurting just as much as you, if not more. It is your duty as a perfect mom to be strong. who knows, maybe someday your child will feel the same way you are now. How would you, the perfect mother, respond to him/her?