Last Straw

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by spidy, Oct 29, 2009.

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  1. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Be fcked if things get better they get worse lost my vehicles today repossessed now all i really do have is a back pack of cloths.Left with debt tht i couldnt handle so consollidated it all and had to use my vehicles tht i owned for security tht sux.Basically worked my life for nothing as what do i have to show for it.Should never have got married as i couldnt even keep tht im just one big fck up.Why the fck does this shit happen to me as ive tried to do the rght thing all my life work hard provided for my family still am with child support even thgh im in the gutter.Fck it all Ive given up trying and today is the last straw as what to do tht was my home my car im fcked and the way im feeling now isnt very positive.I think ive reached the point of no return now
  2. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    I havnt finished reading everything you wrote but just wanted to give you a hug to start off with. :hug:
  3. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    OK, Spidy, I know things seem at rock bottom and I know alot of people are feeling your pay with this recession!!! If this is rock bottom, then things can only get better! OK, now take a breath, this situation can be very overwhelming but if you keep your head then you can think rationally. You need to be strong for your family right now. Whenever you need to vent or shout or scream or swear, just come on here and let loose! Do you think you can pick yourself up and dust yourself off and try to start again? I do understand that its a challenge but just take life, day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute.

    Sorry i cant help, i wish i had magic powers and could make everything ok. All i can offer is a shoulder and an ear. :). Chin up pet.
  4. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Dusted me self off nope i m sick of being the nice guy and getting shafted she had field day on my inhertance then moth after tht was gone on my arse with a shit load of debt which we both accumalate.I did the rght thing leave the funiture and stuff let her keep the new car i bought yet now im the one tht has lost all.10 yrs seems to mean fck all to her but im still not over tht.So sick of phone calls and threatening letters from debt collectors.Now i have to go buy sleeping bag to stay warm at nght as my car was my shelter.Just another day tht has fcked with my head always something and its just all starting to get on top of me cant function i try but i m just so goddam negative and cant think possative
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Spidy,
    Can you move back home with your parents or maybe a sibling?? Just until you can find a job..When you get back on your feet a little then file bankruptcy..The only thing you can't claim on it is your child support..When I split with my ex I left everything behind..She ripped me off for $18,000 on top of everything else..I know it doesn't seem like it now but things will get better..It takes time..
  6. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Ive said this before parents have died .Um im at the point anyway one way street ive got shit to do for other ppl till sunday after tht im alone again.Ive had enough and the temptation to try again is strong
  7. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    All i know im in this alone and i will end it alone
  8. jeff2674

    jeff2674 Member

    And will death bring about the things you need? Very doubtful, thing is once you turn to death there is no going back and it is forever. So you are taking a huge gamble without knowing what sort of outcome you might receive.

    What you are certain of is that you children will suffer. They are without their father. They are then under whatever impression your ex-wife gives them. They are also at her mercy on how to grow up. Do you really want that?

    Yes what happened to you was not fair, however that doesn't mean you have to live a miserable life. You can get yourself back in there, you need the willpower to do it. Contact a shelter, contact county assitance (they can do alot for you) and get to be the father that your children need.

    Don't give the satisfaction to your wife in doing this. Don't make suicide a permenant solution to a temporary problem that you have.
  9. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    yes love my kids about the only thng ive done rght in my life but not part as a family anymore and so long as nobody tells them tht i had enough they will be alrght last thing they need to see is a fcked up father who cant get his sht togeather
  10. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    "yes love my kids about the only thng ive done rght in my life"

    Well then get back in there and fight. Dont think of it as a second chance for you. Think of it as the only chance for your kids. The only chance they are going to have to grow up with their Dad in their lives (and not a stepdad). The only chance that they will have to know you and not the bs that someone is going to feed them. The chance to see that you are a strong person and that you came back after being kicked down flat on your ass. THAT will effect them so positively. That will give them strength to fight when they want to give up. THAT will help them throughout their lives.

    Not a guilt trip I'm trying to lay on you. Just that you need to think of them in this decision too. If you kill yourself you are not only doing it to you. You arent as alone as you think you are. Those kids will hold you in their lives forever. Good or bad you are their Dad and NOTHING is going to change that or take that away from you or them. And you have members here that care too. I dont know you personally but I know your pain. So on some level I can connect to you. And other members here can too. Let us help you and see what resources can be uncovered. What kind of local help you can find to get you through this dark spot your in. Life is not fair in the least. And yes you are entitled to whatever final decision you want to make. But first make sure that it is the ONLY option you have left.
  11. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    I have had a big thnk but i really dont know which way too turn feels like everbody everything is against me.I really dont have anybody to turn too as my parents are dead and my dad wasnt really there for me anyway.Im trying to be the best father i can.Ive really had a crap life um sht happened to me when i was 16 i wont get into tht as ive never told anybody but when i had my family i was so proud but then tht gone to crap hey i cant get fck all rght im a down and out looser and all i ways will be.I try my box off but i seem to fck it all up nobody really needs a waste of air around.I used to work hard and now i really just cant be stuffed doing bugger all i have no will left and i really want this sht to end and honestly i can only see one way
  12. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    That's how you feel but those arent your feelings alone. It's the depression talking. Depression is a real beast. It needs you to be broken down so that you listen to and hear only the thoughts that it feeds you. So it can win. It mentally, physically and emotionally wears you down. How could depression and suicidal thoughts win over if you are fit in mind body and soul? It cant. So it pulls you down, tires you out and it gets deep inside you. And without any kind of help you wont be able to fight it off. Do you take any meds, see a doc or therapist or some sort of counselling? If not, then maybe you should consider trying one. And you need to keep posting here. You cant keep stuffing all the bad stuff deep inside and expect it to disappear. It wont. It helps to make you feel alone and helpless. But you arent. You have a place here to voice it, put it out there. That in itself can really help to lift your depression a little. None of this is a miracle cure in itself. And I know you feel so overwhelmed and tired that even the thought of trying anymore pulls you further down. But you've got people here that will do anything we can to atleast try to keep your head above water for now. Dont give up.
  13. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    i am in a similar situation, though not quite as bad. you have us, and thats something. we all understand each other. you are NOT alone.
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