there is literally nothing good about my life anymore. the only pleasure i feel is my next dose. I just got out of the insane asylum a couple months ago after a nervous breakdown, and it seems like the deterioration of my life and will to go on has definitely accelerated. i have recently fallen in love for the first time (i'm 18 and a boy) and she has absolutely zero interest in me. she's a friend of one of my family members and he's known her forever, but i've only known her for a little over a year. she is the sweetest, most beautiful girl i've ever known, and i am completely head over heels for her. i have been infatuated before, many times, and i know that's not what this is. every time i think about her it hurts so bad, and she has absolutely no idea how i feel, and i can't tell her because i'm afraid i won't see her anymore if i do. i have never wanted something so bad that i can't have, and it really is the worst pain i've ever felt in my life. plus, i'm too young for her (she's 24) and i know she thinks i'm just a dumb young kid. it's not that it's her that makes me want to end my life, this is just the last straw, the most recent of a series of shitty things that happen to me. i am done with life. this is the first time that i have truly wanted it to be all over. i can't take it any more.