Well this is possiably my last weekend here??? I have never felt so low, so unloved as i feel right now.. it is like my whole world has came crashing down upon me and those people that should care and should be there for me when i need them the most, really are not there.. so i give it some time. I need to know for sure 100 % without any doubts that i am loved and i guess that in a few days i will know rather or not i am loved.. i never got a christmas card this year, not one.. But... that is all okay and all just fine, i would rather of had a hug from a loved one anyway but i have never gotten that either.. i suppose that others think i am selfish,?? But am i really a selfish person??? just wantinmg to know i am loved, is that considered selfish???? well time will eventually tell .. If i do not get a phone call from a loved one, a visit, or even a email or card in my mailbox then i will finally know the truth.. the cold hard truth that i mean absolutly nothing to anyone around me.. and then this will be my last weekend. why on earth would i want to or need to stay here when it does not matter to anyone that i am here and that i am still alive.. Doc said i would not make it to christmas yet here i am still alive and kicking sort of and possiably because i am not dead i may be considered a liar once again ... a liar because God has chosen to keep me alive and keep me here for a little while longer but for what reason or why??? guess i will find out in 4 days rather i am loved or not.. i will give them that long to let me know rather they love me or not.. if i am loved by one person i will not go but if i come to realize i am not loved at all then i will go.. i give them that much.. if they love me, truly love me they will let me know.. if not well.. white dove will go with a broken wing and a broken heart that cant be fixed. i have heard that others are keeping some things hidden from me. dont do that.. please dont keep anything hidden from me..? it causes nothing but more pain to me. if you love me let me know if not then please just let me go.. please just let me go...?