Last weekend here????

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by White Dove, Dec 22, 2007.

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  1. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    Well this is possiably my last weekend here???

    I have never felt so low, so unloved as i feel right now.. it is like my whole world has came crashing down upon me and those people that should care and should be there for me when i need them the most, really are not there..

    so i give it some time. I need to know for sure 100 % without any doubts that i am loved and i guess that in a few days i will know rather or not i am loved.. i never got a christmas card this year, not one.. But... that is all okay and all just fine, i would rather of had a hug from a loved one anyway but i have never gotten that either..

    i suppose that others think i am selfish,?? But am i really a selfish person??? just wantinmg to know i am loved, is that considered selfish???? well time will eventually tell .. If i do not get a phone call from a loved one, a visit, or even a email or card in my mailbox then i will finally know the truth.. the cold hard truth that i mean absolutly nothing to anyone around me.. and then this will be my last weekend.

    why on earth would i want to or need to stay here when it does not matter to anyone that i am here and that i am still alive.. Doc said i would not make it to christmas yet here i am still alive and kicking sort of and possiably because i am not dead i may be considered a liar once again ... a liar because God has chosen to keep me alive and keep me here for a little while longer but for what reason or why???

    guess i will find out in 4 days rather i am loved or not.. i will give them that long to let me know rather they love me or not.. if i am loved by one person i will not go but if i come to realize i am not loved at all then i will go.. i give them that much.. if they love me, truly love me they will let me know.. if not well.. white dove will go with a broken wing and a broken heart that cant be fixed.

    i have heard that others are keeping some things hidden from me. dont do that.. please dont keep anything hidden from me..? it causes nothing but more pain to me. if you love me let me know if not then please just let me go.. please just let me go...?
  2. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry Susan but your post made me cry it really did I wish I could do more for you please don't go!!!:sad::sad::sad::sad::sad:
  3. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    ace please dont be sad on account of me????

  4. Only1?

    Only1? Active Member

    Hey, some people dont see the need to tell others that they love them, or are too shy/uncomfortable with the word, its just their way. But I know if you go they will certainly regret not telling you for the rest of their lives. If you feel this way, can you not let them know? and maybe then they will realise that they are wrong for not expressing what Im certain they feel more?

    I never felt comfy giving my mum a kiss after a shitty teenhood, and then when I watched her die, it was still the last thing I did, trouble is she wouldnt have known as she had already gone and I will regret this forever.

    Please stick around, Id like to get to know you :smile:
  5. Rand

    Rand Active Member


    I'm going to relate with Only1 on this one.

    Its definately true that ppl, many ppl, just dont express how they feel about each other.

    I lost my dad before i could say anything. He was the only family i was close to, but we hardly talked. he was just there and that was it. he gave me everything he could in his power. we never talked about life, or sex, or money, not even advice. but was the best dad ever. and then he just died suddenly, found him in his bed one morning and i couldnt wake him. gone just like that. we hardly exchanged words but i'd of flooded him with every emotion possible had i at least known he was going to die so mysteriously. we def loved each other, but completely unspoken.

    just say something to your people, what have you to lose? you'll be suprised, really.
  6. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member

    susan i care about you hun do u have msn lets talk sweetiex
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