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last year. birthday of a friend.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by memo, Dec 12, 2012.

  1. memo

    memo Member

    before i start, i want to tell you i'm not sure if this thing i'm posting is placed in the correct sub-forum. also, i'd like to say english is not my native language, so excuse me if i make any mistakes.

    so, last year i was invited to a very little gathering to celebrate the birthday of a high school friend.
    there was actually my friend (the one whose birthday was), his girlfriend, another one from high school and a boy and a girl who i think were a couple.
    the thing is, i went to my second friend's house. there was everyone. and we went by car to this bar, where they served mexican food. the idea was to eat some tacos and have a drink.

    so we arrive at this place, wait for like an hour for someone to leave the place so we have a table for 6.
    finally we sat down and got served with a lot of tacos and shit. they were very tasty.

    with the first tacos i ordered a drink. a caipiroska. it was very big, like twice or more the usual size.
    i drank it like it was nothing. and when the waitress came again to check everything was allright, i ordered another one.

    my second friend asked me "isn't it like.. too much?" and i said something "but i like it a lot".

    so i started drinking this second one and finished it rly soon.

    meanwhile, everyone was talking. except me. it was like the birthday guy with his gf in one conversation and the others in another.
    i felt completly left out. they were not even talking something i could say something about it. a subject i'm totally not into it.

    so i got depressed. then i said "fuck it", i got up and decided to hit the bar.
    i ordered some whiskey. then a drink. then another. then i said to the bartender "gimme the strongest thing you have back there". to which he responded "dude, you've been already drinking the strongest things i got. dunno, tequila shots, maybe?".

    so i said "ok, gimme that". he told me he had several brands.. he was starting to say me the prices of each one, so i came to realize i didn't have much money left after all the things i've drank. so i said him "i'll go with the cheapest".
    it was jose cuervo. and anyone that knows it, knows it is pure shit.

    i drank one, two, three.. six shots of it.

    i was already drunk before the shots, so imagine how i was after them.

    my two high school friends came by and told me (before the last two shots) to stop drinking to which i said " a few more".

    well, i ended drinking (finally) and got up my seat. paid the guys and started walking. i was almost going zig-zag all the way.
    we went to the car, get into it (my 2 friends and one of his gf, the other couple was in another car) and i started playing some music (obviously i wasn't driving, i dont know how to neither).

    so i put the music really fucking loud, and start singing/screaming, making a fool out of myself completely.

    next thing i remember is we where sitting in a bench in the street, next to an ice cream place. i was eating some and listening to music on my cell phone.
    i noticed the birth day guy and his gf wasn't with us. so we were 4 only.

    i was too dizzy to stand up. they where talking to each other, i was still feeling left out. like rly fucking depressed.
    so i look down to the floor. i see my empty ice cream cup. and darkness. everything dark.

    i woke up the next day. everything was dark. i started to move little by little, and realized i was on my bed, with all my clothes on, not even inside the sheets.
    my stomach hurted a lot. my head too. i wondered what had happened.

    i got up, had dinner with my parents. they didn't spoke a word. the only thing they told me is i had to go see my therapist. which was strange, cuz it was sunday and i only went to see him on fridays.

    so i said "ok". better not to ask to much, they seem dissapointed and grumpy.

    i get to my therapist's place. we start talking and he says "your parents are very worried bout you. do you remember what happened?". so i say, no, not at all. and the chat derivates in other subjects.. the only thing he said about last nigth is to call my friend (not the one with the gf, the other one).

    so i got home, got to my room. called the guy.
    i was like "hey, what happened last night? i can't remember a thing"
    he was soooo freaking angry with me.. he told me when i was with 'em at the ice cream shop, that i got up from the bench and started saying things, like he was never a true friend to me, that only the other one was the only person that did supported me when i wasn't alright, that he was the only one that called me when i got hospitalized several years ago when i tried to kill myself for the first time. he told me i wanted to fight. that i tried to hit him more than one, but obviously i couldn't, cuz i was too drunk to even stand on my feet.

    he tells me i started running down the street, like non stop. and he started chasing me because he feared i could hurt myself. when he finally founds me, i was like in the border of the sidewalk trying to get me myself hit by the passing cars in the street. i rolled all over the place in the sidewalk and was crying and yelling. notice i was not hitted by a car. i just dropped in the sidewalk. so he tells me some neighbors got scared and called the cops. before, he called my parents and told them i was extremely drunk and that he needed for them to pick me up.

    so by the time the cops where going to put me inside their car, my folks arrived at the scene and almost beg the officers for they to not take me with em.

    they let me go with just a warning, and let my parents take me one.

    I didn't know what to say to him. I apologized a lot of times, said that it was really stupid for me to do all the things i did. And then i asked for forgiveness. He didnt spoke a word and simply hung up.

    my parents later told me when we got at home, they struggled to get me upstairs to my room, i barely walked. they finally got me there and instead of going to bed i sat down ar my pc, searched for a song, that is related to child rape (i was raped by the time i was 6) and showed it to them.

    then i dropped dead at my bed, they left me, but then i started crying and screaming. it was las 4am at this point.

    so.. the thing is.. this happened a year ago, like almost by the time it was christmas.
    my dad and mom are very worried about me getting to do something stupid like that.

    i'm slowly starting to feel deppresed again, after a very long long time. and i dont really know what to do with this "ex-friend" of mine. i havent spoke to him since that. i have tried hard to get courage and do it, but sincerely i can't.

    what you guys think i should do? should i try to get to speak with him and see what he thinks about me, if he forgives me or not? it is a bad time to do this? should i forget about him and my other friend? or make an attempt to mend things up?

    btw, i havent drink anything since my birthday this year (july), because i got very very drunk and ended up throwing up in my bathroom...

    dunno what to do. i hear suggestions and tips on this issue.

    thanks for reading. i know it's freaking long.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You could email your friend just say you miss him and hope he is well and leave it at that see if a response come back and you can also try to reach out and make new friends I do hope you are getting counseling for your alcohol addiction If you are feeling more depressed it is time to talk to you doctor and make sure people around you are aware of how you are feeling get in for support now hun. hugs